A New Start (Damon Salvatore FanFic)
by jennibird83
Summary: When Jessica and her mother move back to her mothers home town of Mystic Falls, she doesn't know what to expect. However upon meeting the mysterious Damon Salvatore, maybe this little town won't be so bad.
1. Chapter 1

Well this is just great, my mom decides to take a new job in the town her parents grew up in, so here we are. I didn't even get a say in it. We passed the town sign, 'Mystic Falls'. Well whoopee doo, we've arrived. As we drove through the town we passed what I figured was the main street. Everybody looked so happy and perky. It made me sick to my stomach. I had learned about the history of this town, and from the looks of it I don't think it had changed much in the last one hundred and fifty years. We drove through the town and pulled onto a street with large three story houses, evenly spaced. They all had front gardens and actual white picket fences.

Good god.

We pulled into the driveway of the third one on the left. My mother turned to me as she turned off the engine and smiled. She started to say something to me, but I just jumped out of the car. I was still so mad at her. I had to give up my home, my life and all my friends. As a moving van pulled up into the driveway behind us I had a look around my new street. I noticed someone looking out a top window in the house to the right of us. As the movers started unloading the boxes I decided to take a walk into town. See what I was really dealing with. I knew I should stay and help her unpack, but if she didn't care about my happiness, why should I help her?

As I made it to Main Street I lit a cigarette. I sat on a bench and took in the sights, so to speak and inhaled. On both sides of the street there was a collection of shops, people going in and out, holding doors open for each other, all with big smiles on their faces. Please, like anyone is really this happy. In the middle there was what looked like a big square. Grass areas where people were actually sitting having family picnics. There was a large stage set up with a large banner over the top of it. Apparently this month was 'Founders Month'. There was a list of activities hung beside the stage. I made my way over to read it.

On my way there I noticed a mother with her young daughter. They were laughing and eating ice cream, it made me think of my own mother. I really was being unfair. She really suffered at her last job; no one had taken her seriously. When we got away from my father we were left with nothing but debt, she dedicated all her time to me, making sure I had everything I needed. She worked two jobs while going to night classes to get her masters in teaching, and yet she was still always there for me. I finished my cigarette and turned to go home to apologise and help. As I turned I bumped into some one, literally. I started to apologise,

"I'm so sorry. I... "

Before I had a chance to finish talking the man interrupted me. "Why don't you watch were you're going?"

That made me mad; sure he was cute. He was maybe 6ft tall, was wearing black jeans and a tight fitting black tee shirt and had beautiful green eyes. But hell, he banged into me as much as I did him. There was something in those eyes telling me to back off. But I wasn't one to back down from anything or anyone.

"Well the same could be said to you. I thought people in these tiny one horse towns were supposed to be all nice and welcoming. At least that's what it's like around here. Now I am sorry I bumped into you, but you bumped into me as well so why don't you watch were you're going?"

And without waiting for a reply I walked around him and headed to my new home. I didn't see the mixed look of contempt and respect on the man's face as he watched me walk away.

When I got home my mom was knee deep in boxes. She looked so overwhelmed. I hadn't even thought about how the move would affect her. She had to give up a lot too. She turned when I entered the room. Without waiting for her to say anything I ran to her and threw my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry I've been acting like a bitch mom. I was a bit pissed off but that's not your fault. I thought maybe I could help with the unpacking?" she kissed my forehead and told me not to worry about it. Rolling up our sleeves we got stuck into getting the house in order. It was nearly two a.m. when we were finally finished. We both stood back looking around, admiring the work we had done. I had to admit the house looked pretty cool, and I was wrecked. Although tomorrow was Friday it was going to be my first day at my new school so I wanted to get some sleep. I kissed mom goodnight and went up to have a shower and get to bed.

When I was in bed I had a sudden feeling I was being watched. I sat up, switched on my bedside lamp and my eyes were drawn to the window. What the hell? I ran to the window and threw it open. But there was nothing there. After a second I closed the window and got back into bed. I turned off the light and as I drifted off to sleep, what I had thought I had seen at my window came into my mind. The man I bumped into, I could have sworn I saw him outside the window. But that was impossible. My room was three stories up.


	2. Chapter 2

The alarm woke me at 7 am. I quickly got washed, dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast with mom. I was nervous about my first day not knowing anyone.

We got to the school early, well about twenty minutes early. Mom wanted to meet the other teachers. I went around to the back of the football field and lit a cigarette. I took my first pull when I heard a voice; some guy was stepping out from behind the bleachers.

"I know you!"

I took him in, bit taller than me, maybe five foot ten or eleven, dark brown hair, and blue eyes, well built and dressed all in black.

"Sorry, but I just moved here yesterday. I don't know anyone yet!"

He smiled a stoner's smile at me, "Yeah I know. You moved in next door from me. I saw you yesterday from my window. My name is Jeremy Gilbert."

He stuck out his hand. I couldn't help but smile back, I shook his hand. "My name is Jessica Bird. But you can call me Jessi. It's nice to meet you Jeremy. I was afraid I wouldn't get to know anyone here." He smiled again.

"Well now you know me. What year are you in?" he inquired.

"I'm a senior. What about you? Maybe we share some classes?"

He laughed, "Nah, I'm a junior. I guess you're a year older than me. But hey, I'll introduce you to my sister Elena. You'll love her. She's a senior, so she can show you around and stuff. But don't tell her I smoke." Now I laughed, "Thank you, and don't worry. My mom doesn't know I smoke either."

We finished our cigarettes and headed back to the school. Jeremy led me to a group, three girls and a guy. They looked up as we approached. Jeremy introduced me first to the brunette closest to me.

"Elena this is Jessi, Jessi this is my sister Elena," he turned to Elena, "Jessi just moved here yesterday. She's living in the house next door to us. This is her first day and she's a senior like you, so I thought you could show her around."

The whole group smiled at me, Elena spoke, "Of course, what are neighbours for?"

Suddenly she stopped speaking and sniffed, looking at Jeremy, "Have you been smoking?"

I could tell he would be in a lot of trouble, so I held up my pack of cigarettes. "I'm sorry, that was me. I've been trying to quit. But with the move and losing all my old friends, I've been stress smoking."

Elena turned to me, "Oh that's ok. Of course I understand. Who knows, maybe we can help you quit once you get to know us and we become friends." Now she turned to Jeremy, "Sorry Jer, I'm just on edge a bit."

He told her it was ok, and then snuck me an appreciative smile, then spoke to the group. "Right, well I have to get to class, so I'll see you all later." And with that he took off.

Elena introduced me to the rest of her group, the other brunette was Bonnie Bennett, the blonde girl was Caroline Forbes and the guy was Stefan Salvatore. His eyes looked so familiar but that was it, weird. I then realised Bonnie was speaking to me.

"Have you got your class schedule there?" I handed it over. She read through it, and then looked at me in surprise. "These are nearly all AP classes."

I shrugged, "My mother is the new English teacher here. And growing up with a teacher for a mother you spend a lot of time studying."

"Well, I have one of these classes, so does Caroline, Elena has two of them and Stefan has the rest so at least you'll know some-one in all of your classes."

I thanked them all and we headed in. First class we had was history, and we all shared it. I took the only empty seat; it was in the front row. Of course it was. The teacher came into the class then, his name was Mr. Tanner and I knew immediately that I wouldn't like him. When he started the class by insulting the students I knew I was right. He faced the class.

"And now for some questions and answers, in what year was the battle of Willow Creek?"

Stefan's hand was the only one to rise, but Mr. Tanner just looked at him and spoke sarcastically. "How about giving someone else a chance to answer Mr. Salvatore. Or will you be doing everyone's work from now on?"

Everybody in the class was watching Stefan to see his reaction; I raised my hand and coughed. When Mr. Tanner turned to me, I spoke softly, "The battle of Willow Creek took place in 1865." He looked at me in surprise, and then resignation. This man really didn't like students to actually know the answers.

"Alright Miss..."

I smiled politely, "Miss Bird."

"Well all right Miss Bird. How many casualties were there?" he sneered the question at me. I sat straighter in the seat as I answered.

"Well there were 346 young soldiers killed in battle. Of course that's not counting the civilian casualties." Now he smirked, "And there we go, wrong! Of course I'm not surprised. There were no civilian casualties." He started to turn away from me but my voice, although low, stopped him.

"Actually, you're wrong Mr. Tanner."

He quickly spun around sputtering, and I could gear gasps from the students behind me. Mr. Tanner was almost on top of me, "Excuse me?"

Looking him straight in the eye, "I said you're wrong Mr. Tanner. Soldiers came across a small church, which they believed to be housing enemy weapons and supplies. They burnt it down to the ground. However they were wrong, inside were 27 of Mystic Falls civilians praying. It was considered to be a great loss for the town. It's all in the history books of this town, which I'm sure are available in the local library, should you wish to brush up on your facts."

He started sputtering some more, I could hear a few laughs from my new classmates but before Tanner could say anything the bell rang, I grabbed my backpack and got out of class. All I was thinking was mom was going to kill me when she heard about this.

Elena and the others came up to me; Caroline spoke first, "Oh my god Jessi that was awesome. I've never seen Tanner speechless like that before."

I shrugged, "Yeah well I hate teachers who bully their students." Stefan looked at me, and spoke quietly.

"How did you know about the church? It's not in the school history books. "

I shrugged again, "like I said, I grew up with a teacher for a mother. I take after her in some ways. I like knowing things. When I knew I was moving here, I learned all about this place. Although I have to admit that most of what I learned about Mystic Falls I learned from my ancestors journals. See what you might not know, is my mother's maiden name is Fell. My great great whatever grandparents were Tomas and Honoria Fell, they helped found this town. Well I found these old journals that belonged to them. I mean the history of this town is in those journals, although I'm pretty sure they were crazy. Some of the stuff they wrote about, kinda cooky."

I didn't miss the concerned look that passed between the group. And then I realised why their names had sounded familiar. "Hey in the journals, Honoria spoke of the Gilberts, Bill Forbes, and Emily Bennett and..." I had turned to Stefan, but then I remembered what it said about the Salvatore's. I snapped my mouth shut, but it was obvious to Stefan and probably the others that I had been about to mention his family. I also remembered that one of the Salvatore's mentioned was a Stefan Salvatore, along with his brother Damon. I noticed the group was staring at me,

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned anything. My mother is always telling me that I should stop talking a sentence early."

Elena smiled at me, "Don't worry. I have journals from my ancestors as well, John Gilbert."

"Hey, that's the Gilbert that Honoria was friends with. He invented the..." Again I trailed off. The stuff he apparently invented, well I didn't want to tell this girl I just met that her ancestors were possibly just as crazy as mine. She just laughed.

"You should read John Gilbert's work. He had a lot of fiction books published."

Oh, that explained a lot. They could see me making the connection in my head. Stefan spoke now, "Actually if you wouldn't mind, could I borrow your journals. My own ancestors didn't keep journals, and I'm always interested in reading about the man I'm named after."

I hesitated, "Well if you really want, I'm not finished going through them yet. But you can have the ones I've already read." I pulled two very old books from my backpack. "Just before I hand these over, I have to warn you. I don't think my ancestors, or quite frankly the Gilberts, liked anyone but a Giuseppe Salvatore from your family very much, even before they got the crazies they talked about a Stefan and Damon Salvatore and their involvement with a woman name Katherine."

I didn't miss the look of contempt on Elena's face, but Stefan was talking so I turned to face him, "Don't worry. I've read the Gilbert journals. I just would like to see another side."

I handed them over the books and told them I would meet them after I had a cigarette.


	3. Chapter 3

At the bleachers I saw Jeremy. He waved as I walked over,

"Hey Jessi, way to go with Tanner! That was cool."

Great, if he knew already then so did my mother. Now I defiantly needed a cigarette. He asked me how I was getting on with his sister and her friends. "Yeah I really like them. You definitely called that one. Although..."

He raised his eyebrow, "What?"

I told him about my journals, and about the different reactions I sensed, and saw. Jeremy laughed. He explained that if the crazy stuff in my journals was anything like his, it was about vampires. It did make me feel a bit better that it wasn't just my ancestors. He had to head then to class. I decided to have another cigarette. Just as I lit it, I heard a voice behind me, "What a disgusting habit."

I jumped and spun around. The man from Main Street, the one I had bumped into, was standing behind me. He was standing so close my hand brushed against him as I turned. He grabbed my shoulders, moved his face in close to mine, and without breaking eye contact. "You are repulsed by cigarettes, you will never smoke again." He stepped back, when he broke eye contact, I blinked several times. I noticed I had a cigarette in my hand. I threw it to the ground. Why was I smoking? I hated them.

The man was talking, "So these journals you have, they talk of Stefan, Damon and Katherine?"

I looked at him confused, "How did you know about my Journals?"

"You intrigued me when we met. People around here know to be... polite to me. So I've been following you!"

He said it so calmly, like it was normal behaviour. I gasped, remembering what I thought I had seen at my window the night before. His lips broke into a large smile, showing his sharp teeth. "Yes that was me last night. Now about those journals?"

I found myself answering him, "yes, I found a box of journals belonging to my ancestors, Tomas and Honoria Fell." He moved an inch closer, "And what do they mention about Katherine and the Salvatore's?"

"They mention Katherine being a vampire along with other town members, and about her using some kind of mind control on the brothers Damon and Stefan Salvatore. It talks about how they used the Gilbert Compass to round up and kill all the vampires. Damon and Stefan were apparently killed trying to save Katherine, by their own father."

"And what do you think about all of that?"

I tilted my head as I thought, "Obviously mass hysteria was very much alive here in the 1800's, but even if it were true, for any man to kill his own sons for any reason other than self defence is simply horrible and unforgivable. I mean they were basically killed for being in love. I've never been in love, but I saw what my mother put up with when she thought she loved my father. People shouldn't be punished for love."

The man looked both surprised and impressed with my answer, that was twice I had done that to him, which really didn't happen often, he said as much, "You know, you keep surprising me. You're just too interesting to kill yet!"

This man was talking about killing me, and yet I was still standing here calmly. What was going on? He was speaking again. "Right, give me the journals."

I shook my head, "I can't. I gave them to one of my new friends."

"That's fine; who did you give them to? I will just compel them."

"His name is Stefan Salvatore." At first he looked slightly annoyed, and then he just smiled. "Well doesn't that work out nicely; I'll just get them at home."

Before he had a chance to say anything else I found myself talking again, "I have more at home though!"

He was smiling again, "Well aren't you nice and co-operative!" He bent his head and made direct eye contact. "You will not remember this conversation. I was never here. But tonight, when I call to your house you will invite me in and give me the remaining journals."

"Jessica!"

I blinked, I was standing by the bleachers on my own, what was I doing here? I looked up to see who was calling me. Elena and Stefan were walking towards me. I smiled at them, "Hi guys, what's up?"

They both looked concerned. Elena spoke first. "We were worried about you, you were gone for so long, and you missed our last class. Have you been here smoking this whole time?"

I frowned at them, "What are you talking about? I saw you like two minutes ago after history. And I don't smoke, I think it's disgusting." They both looked at each other, and then back at me. Elena spoke softly, "Jessica, you've been gone for nearly an hour. Plus you have a pack of cigarettes in your hand."

I looked down at the packet in my hands; I could feel my brow furrow in confusion. I looked back up at them, "I... I don't know. I must have blanked out!" I didn't see the look they passed to each other. I walked past them towards the school. Stefan held Elena back, when I was out of earshot, he spoke in a low voice. "Elena, if I didn't know better, I would say she's been compelled." Elena gasped, "But by who? She only moved here yesterday."

"I don't know. But we may want to keep an eye on her. Try and get vervain in or on her." Elena nodded, and they headed in after Jessica.

After school, Elena offered me a lift home. I thanked her and told her I would love one, I just had to let my mother know. I found my mother talking to Mr. Tanner, crap. I waited until he left then walked up to her. The look on her face was not good. "Hey mom."

"Don't you 'hey mom' me! It's the first day Jessica, what the hell?"

"Mom, he was insulting the students. I mean actually calling the stupid. When I was able to answer his questions correctly, he tried to insist that I was wrong. What kind of a teacher does that? All I said was should he wish to brush up on his facts he should check out the library. You taught me to stand up for myself."

Mom sighed, and then smiled, "I have been warned about him from the other teachers here. Look just try and not antagonise him, he's just a sub and will be gone next week. Are you ready to go home?"

"That's why I found you. I'm getting a lift with Elena Gilbert. She lives next door to us."

"Oh honey, you've made friends already. That's wonderful. You go on and I'll see you at home."

I gave her a peck on the cheek and ran back to Elena. When we were in the car, Elena spoke. "So, did you get in trouble for the whole Tanner thing?"

"No, thankfully mom has been warned about what he is like. But she asked me not to do it again."

Elena smiled, "Sounds like you have a cool mom?"

"Yeah, I was pretty pissed at her for making me move. But it's not her fault and she is pretty awesome."

On the drive home Elena filled me in on Mystic Falls. Apparently in town 'Mystic Grill' was the usual place for everybody to meet. However there were parties throughout the year held by the lake or in the woods on the Lockwood estate.

Listening to Elena speak about Mystic Falls it was clear that this was the kind of place where everyone knew everyone. Not like the city life I was used to, where you would be lucky to know your immediate neighbour. I talked about my life, how it's just me and my mom. I learned about her, her parents had died the year before in a car accident. It was just her, Jeremy and their aunt Jenna, who was dating Alaric Saltzman, the usual history teacher. Before too long we were pulling up at her house. As I got out I invited her and Jeremy to dinner to meet my mother, I also told her to bring Jenna. She thanked me and told me they would see me at seven.

I waved goodbye and headed into my house. My mother was just pulling up. I told her about inviting Elena and her family for dinner and asked if it was ok. She said as it was a Friday that it wouldn't be a problem, and that it was a good way to celebrate a successful first day for both of us. I ran up to my room to put my bag away, I saw the journals on my shelf and walked over to them. I was supposed to do something with them tonight, but what? I shook my head. My mind seemed to keep drifting today. It was probably just the stress of the move.

I went back downstairs with the journals and left them on the table by the front door. Mom was in her study. She was getting next week's lessons ready. She always liked to have everything ready on the Friday. So the weekend was hers. I logged onto face-book for an hour to catch up with my old friends. At six o'clock I went into the kitchen and started to prepare for dinner.


	4. Chapter 4

They arrived at seven on the dot. Mom came out of her study and I introduced Elena and Jeremy, although she had met them both in class as their teacher. Elena introduced us to her aunt Jenna. Jenna was lovely, very bubbly and only a few years older. She was in college, her final year. We all sat down to dinner and chatted about everyday things. After dinner my mom excused herself and went back to her study. Jenna also said good night. I thanked her for coming and told her it was lovely to meet her. She returned the sentiment and left. I turned to Jeremy and Elena.

"Let's go to my room, we can listen to music without bothering my mom."

They smiled and I led the way. When we got to the bottom of the stairs Elena noticed the journals. She picked one up.

"Are these the rest of the journals?"

I nodded, what was it I had to do with those? And why couldn't I remember? Elena was speaking again, I snapped out of my daze. "Do you mind if I borrow one tonight? I could get it back to you tomorrow before school."

"No, you can't. I have to do something with those. I just don't know what yet."

The look that passed between brother and sister was one of worry, but before I could ask them what was wrong there was a knock on the door. Without thinking I took the book out of Elena's hands, lifted the other four and opened the door. I heard Elena and Jeremy gasp behind me when they saw the man on the door step. I also heard Elena say a name. I looked at the man,

"So, your name is Damon?"

He just smiled, "Yes, hello Elena. Hello Jeremy. Now Jessica, don't you want to invite me in?"

Elena grabbed my arm, begging me not to invite him in, but I just ignored her. "Please, Damon, come in." His smile grew larger and he took a step inside. Elena and Jeremy pulled me behind them, but I just reached around them and handed Damon the books. Elena turned to Damon.

"It was you today, wasn't it? You compelled her... to what? Quit smoking? Give you the journals?"

"Ah Elena, yes it was. I'm just glad I got to her before you or my goody goody brother could vervain her. The fells were the ones who spear headed the whole vampire hunt. It was them who told Emily Bennett to spell those inventions of Jonathon Gilbert. These journals will make an interesting read if nothing else. Plus I detest smokers."

Listening to this conversation was confusing me. Compelling, what did that mean? Why did I want to give this stranger my journals? And I hated smoking, so what did he have to do with that? I did understand one thing they had mentioned though, and when I spoke, it caught all their attentions. "I'm allergic to vervain."

Elena broke the silence, "What, you're allergic? How do you know?"

I quickly explained, "When I was younger, my mother brought me here once to visit my grandparents, and my grandma gave me this perfume. I loved the smell. I wore it out that night to a friends birthday party and ended up in hospital, my wrists and neck felt like they were on fire and I couldn't breathe properly. They ran some tests and found out that I was allergic to something called vervain that was in the perfume."

Jeremy and Elena did not look happy at this news, although I couldn't understand why. But the reaction that surprised me the most was Damon's. He started laughing, "Oh this is too good. And to think Elena, if you hadn't been here I would never have found out. I would have assumed that you or Stefan had managed to get vervain on or in her. I wouldn't have bothered trying to compel her again. But now... now she is mine to play with."

They all turned to me. Why did they keep looking at me like I had two heads? Damon walked past Elena and Jeremy who tried to stop him but couldn't. He stared me in the eye, "You won't remember me being here tonight. When they try and tell you anything negative about me you just won't believe them. Because you know I'm a good person and you will always trust me, even if Stefan compels you. I will be the only person in this whole town you can truly trust." And with one final laugh he was gone.

I blinked, why were we stopped at the bottom of the stairs, and why were Jeremy and Elena staring at me in horror? I laughed nervously, "So are we going upstairs or...?" my voice drifted off. What was wrong? Elena cleared her throat,

"Eh, yeah. I just need to talk to Jeremy for a moment. Can we follow you up?"

I nodded and made my way up the stairs, I noticed my journals weren't on the table anymore, I thought... ah well I must have moved them and just can't remember. What was wrong with me today? When I was out of earshot, Jeremy turned to Elena,

"I thought Damon was on our side?"

"Well he is and isn't Jer. He doesn't kill anymore, but ever since he found out the truth about Katherine he's... changed. He's sort of good, but at the same time still likes playing games. I was able to control him a bit when he thought he loved me, but after the whole Katherine thing he realised he didn't love me. I was the Katherine he remembered, who was sweet and loving to Damon. But that ended when he realised she had used him and never loved him, and was never in the tomb. So he won't kill Jessi, but he will play with her like she's some kind of toy just to annoy Stefan and me."

Jeremy cursed under his breath, "So, he's not evil or bad, but he's not completely good either?"

"Exactly. We're going to have to keep an eye on her. She's far too nice and innocent to be caught up in Damon's boredom. I'll ring Stefan".

He nodded and they came up the stairs to my room. I was standing in front of the open window nodding to myself. "Jessi, are you ok?"

I turned to them, smiling, "Of course. What kind of music do you like? I have a bit of everything." Jeremy stared in awe at my wall that was covered in shelves filled with hundreds of c.d's. He walked towards it but stopped at my work desk. Beside my laptop was a sketch pad. He flipped through it, and then looked up at me. "These are brilliant. You're really talented."

I smiled shyly at him and thanked him. "I got the inspiration for these particular drawings from reading my ancestors journals. " He told me he drew as well and we started talking about it, but Elena interrupted us. "Hey Jessi, can I invite my boyfriend over? You met him today at school."

I nodded, of course. She was on the phone to Stefan immediately. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. Wow that was fast. Elena turned to me, "It's your house. You should probably be the one who lets him in."

She and Jeremy were smiling at me again; I just headed down the stairs with them in tow. I opened the door and Stefan was standing there, also smiling at me. O.k., I was really starting to get pissed off with people smiling at me like I was soft in the head. Elena spoke behind me, "Can he come in?"

I opened my mouth to invite him in, but that wasn't what came out.

"Sorry Stefan, but you're too goody goody for me to allow you in my house."

All three of them stared at me. I spoke first, "God Stefan, I am so sorry. I don't know where that came from. What I meant to say was, Stefan, please..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I turned to Jeremy, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I invite..." I couldn't even finish that sentence.

Stefan spoke up, "It's ok Jessi. Don't worry. I was actually thinking we could show you the grill. It's Friday night. No point in sitting in. You can see where we all hang out; meet the rest of the gang.

That sounded good, we grabbed our coats and headed out.


	5. Chapter 5

We decided to walk it, it would only take twenty minutes. Myself and Jeremy walked in front, Stefan and Elena behind us. I could hear them talking.

"I told you what happened when he came to the door Stefan, but when we got to the room she was at the window nodding to herself. Damon must have come back to compel her not to let you in. Why would he do that?"

Stefan took a second before answering, "To show his control over me. Damon loves playing games. He's not really bad anymore, but he had those traits even before we became what we are now. It's almost like he doesn't care who gets hurt as long as he gets his way."

We had arrived at the grill and Jeremy was holding the door open for me, before entering however I turned to Stefan and Elena with a blank expression, "You're wrong about Damon. He is a good person."

Without waiting for a reply I entered the Grill. Quietly Jeremy, Stefan and Elena followed me. Matt, Tyler, Bonnie and Caroline were by the pool tables. We joined them and I was introduced to Matt and Tyler. They were all drinking, somehow Caroline was able to convince the bar staff to not ID our group. Jeremy offered to get me a drink, but I just wanted coffee. Coffee always calmed me down and my mind was all over the place today.

My coffee arrived and just as I was about to take a mouthful, the man from main street was there. He pulled the cup from my hand, spilling it.

I scowled at him, "What the hell? Who ARE you?"

He turned to Elena without answering me. "Some friend you're turning out to be."

"What the hell are you talking about now Damon?" Elena sighed.

"Less than an hour ago, she told you how allergic she is to vervain, and here you are letting her drink coffee in the grill."

Elena gasped, "I completely forgot." She turned to me, "Jessica, I am so sorry. All the coffee here has vervain in it. You can't drink it."

I looked at the cup in Damon's hand in disgust, then up at him.

"I don't know how to thank you. Ingesting vervain could kill me... But how did you know I was allergic?"

Damon just smiled at me, "You would be surprised at how quickly gossip travels in a small town."

He stuck his hand out, for a brief second I wondered how anybody in this town knew about my allergy, but I ignored that thought and put my hand in his. He raised it to his lips and kissed the back of my hand, I giggled as he introduced himself.

"Damon Salvatore, Stefan's older, better looking brother, at your service."

Still giggling I introduced myself in a mock curtsey, "Jessica Bird. It's very nice to meet you Mr Salvatore."

I couldn't explain it, but I felt like I could trust this man completely. And for me that was a massive thing, my mother was the only person I trusted wholly. It didn't hurt that he was very good looking. I was mesmerised by his eyes. Those piercing green eyes that drew me in, eyes that had seen too much, and where distrustful. I found myself smiling back at him.

"So Damon Salvatore, can I buy you a drink? A small thank you for saving my life."

He nodded and we headed to the bar, I ordered two whiskeys. Damon raised his eyebrow at me and I laughed. "Yes I drink an older man's' drink, but I really like it."

Unfortunately the barman wanted to see my ID. Before I had a chance to come up with some excuse as to why I didn't have it Damon leaned across the bar and said something to the barman. The barman poured out the two drinks and we made our way to a booth. I felt so comfortable around him, I couldn't understand why; I had just met the man. He asked me questions about my life. Over a few drinks I found myself telling him everything. Well not everything, there were some things in my past that I was just not ready for anyone to know.

"What about you Damon? What's your story?"

He looked at me, told me he would be right back and went to the bar, I watched as he said something to the barman, who immediately just handed over two bottles. We were both tipsy, well ok, drunk at this stage. Damon arrived back with the two bottles of whiskey.

"Come on, we'll continue this at my house."

He helped me into my jacket and we headed outside to his car. On the way to his house I asked him about the whiskey, "I didn't know bars just handed out their stock."

He smirked at me, "I usually just... get what I want."

Watching him drive for a few moments, I spoke softly, "That must get very boring."

"What do you mean," he asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"My mother always told me, '_Anything worth having is worth fighting for'_. If you just get everything you want handed to you, how can you truly appreciate it?"

I could see him thinking about what I said. We pulled up outside a very large house. I gasped, it looked like a mansion.

"This is your house?"

"Yes, this is the old Salvatore boarding house. Passed down through the generations, it now belongs to Stefan and me."


	6. Chapter 6

He led me into a large library. I threw my coat on one of the sofa's and headed to the stereo. When I flicked the power button loud dance music filled the large room. I started dancing, I turned towards Damon, his eyes never left my body as it swayed to the music. I moved closer to him, and grabbed one of the bottles out of his hand. I opened it and took a mouthful. I turned and motioned for him to join me in the middle of the room. He came up behind me and placed his free hand on my waist as I danced. We both continued to drink and dance very closely. At this stage we were both very drunk. I turned my body to face him, his hands still on my waist. His eyes on mine, he spoke softly,

"What is it about you?"

I laughed up at him, "I'm new... I'm different... I don't give in easily..."

He put his hand on my face, "I could make you give in so easily!"

I stood up on my toes, our mouths almost touching, "Now where would the fun be in that?"

He started to lower his own head but I broke free of his grasp. Laughing I lowered a third of the bottle, I looked around for somewhere to put the bottle. I decided to put it by the stereo. As I walked past him he reached out to grab me, but I drunkenly danced out of his reach, and tripped. I hit the floor hard. But I was too drunk to notice any pain. He was by my side in half a second, helping me up. I just laughed harder.

I grabbed his hand,

"Come on danger boy. Show me your room."

I pulled him towards the stairs, he allowed himself to be pulled and raised an eyebrow at me, "Danger boy?"

He suddenly pulled my arm and he was carrying me bridal style, moving at an impossible speed. Suddenly he stopped and lowered me to the ground so I could stand on my own two feet. I also realised we were in a very large bedroom. Giggling I pushed him back onto the bed and then climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. He put his hands behind his head and kept watching me. I pulled off my top and leaned forward to kiss him. The kiss started soft but quickly turned to a deeper one. I moaned into his mouth, I couldn't help it, as his hands snaked their way into my hair.

"OW!" I shouted pulling back. Still sitting on top of him I reached up and gently touched the back of my head. It really hurt. When I looked at my fingers they were covered in blood.

"I guess that fall hurt me more than I realised." I said looking down at Damon. But Damon was no longer looking at me. He was staring at his own hand, the one that had been in my hair, which also was covered in my blood. I didn't like the way he was looking at it.

"Damon?" my voice came out almost as a squeak.

His eyes started to change, getting darker. It looked like black veins were forming around his eyes and his teeth were getting longer. What scared me the most was the eyes, there really was danger in those eyes. I moved to get off him, to run. But he grabbed my waist with strength which made it impossible to escape. He sat up and moved my hair from my neck. He looked me in the eyes one last time. I pleaded with him,

"Damon... please..."

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead buried his teeth into my neck.

The sun hitting my face woke me. God my head was killing me. How much did I drink last night.

Last night.

It all came rushing back. Damon was in the bed asleep beside me. I reached up to my neck. It felt... cut, and was covered in dry blood. As quietly as I could I slipped out of the bed and grabbed my clothes. I didn't even bother putting them on. I just wanted out of here. On my way to the door I looked over to the bed. Damon was still asleep. I had my hand on the door knob and threw one last look over to the bed. It was empty.

I gasped, Damon was standing right in front of me, "And where would you be going?" He inquired.

I backed up as he moved toward me. The back of my legs hit the bed and I fell onto it. I crawled back towards the headboard, I looked for something to throw at him but there was nothing but pillows. So I threw one, it hit him in the face and at first he just smirked at me, as if to say 'Really, a pillow?'. Then his face changed, his eyes darkening again as he smelled the pillow which had my blood staining it. He looked at me and growled, then came at me. My scream was cut short as he grabbed my throat.


	7. Chapter 7

Elena and Stefan pulled up outside the Salvatore boarding house. They had spent the night in Elena's but today Stefan was continuing Elena's training in self defence. As they entered the house they saw Jessica coming down the stairs smiling. However both their attention was drawn to the designer scarf tied around her neck. She had not been wearing that last night. I waved at them,

"Hey guys. How are you?"

Damon was coming down the stairs after me. He did not look happy upon seeing his brother and Elena. But then, they didn't look happy with him either. I stood for a second watching them all glare at each other then sighed,

"Right, well I'm leaving before you all start doing that annoying '_everything is fine'_smile at me. Damon, walk me out?"

Damon turned his attention back to me, "Of course".

A taxi pulled up, I stood on my toes and kissed Damon goodbye,

"Thanks, I had a blast last night. And try to remember, work for the fun. Taking what you want, there's always someone to kill your buzz."

He grasped my face and kissed me deeper, then pulling back whispered, "Jessi, you have no idea how right you are. See you later."

I got in the taxi and head home. Mom was in the kitchen. As I walked in she smiled, "Coffee?" she asked.

I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and told her that would be awesome. As I watched her move around the kitchen, making us coffee I thought about how lucky I was. How many girls, a week before they even turn 18, could stay out all night and not have their mother chew them out. My mother trusted me. She knew I drank, but she also knew I was very careful. I had never gotten in trouble and my school work had never once suffered over it.

Giving her another kiss I took my coffee upstairs. I drank it as I picked out a fresh outfit. I had a quick shower, got dressed, put the scarf back on and headed downstairs.

"Mom, I was gonna head into town, have a look around. Do you need anything?"

She told me she was fine, that she was going to have a lazy day for once and then told me to have fun. I gave her a quick hug and grabbed my keys and left.

At the square I saw Caroline Forbes handing out flyers. I walked over to her, she smiled when she saw me, but it was a nice genuine smile. I asked her if she needed a hand. She thanked me and handed me half the pile. For the next hour we walked and talked. She told me about her life in Mystic Falls. I could tell she was honestly such a good person. What you saw was what you got. When we finished handing out the flyers for the Mystic Falls bachelor raffle that was taking place the following Saturday Caroline took me to the grill for lunch as a thank you.

As we ordered I turned to Caroline, "I shouldn't order coffee, should I?"

She shook her head. I ordered a coke instead. As we waited her eyes were drawn to my neck scarf. She sighed looking down at her hands,

"Did Damon give you that?"

I smiled fondly as I touched it. "Yes. He is so sweet. I just feel like I want to wear it all the time."

She gave me a small smile, "Well I have a bag of neck scarf's that I was going to throw away. You can have them if you want, I have a feeling you might need them."

I thanked her. Just then our lunch arrived and we continued to talk about school and other things. After lunch, as we left the grill she asked me would I be attending the bachelor raffle the following Saturday. Without thinking I answered.

"Watching men parade up and down, I couldn't think of anything better to do on my birthday..."

Caroline stopped walking, crap did I say that out loud. She grabbed my arm,

"Your birthday is on Saturday? Why didn't you tell us? Oh, you'll be 18, won't you? Yay, we're going to have a party and..."

"No Caroline," I cut her off, "I don't want a party."

And with that I walked off. I was so mad at myself. I had gotten too comfortable and let that birthday remark slip. God damn it, I was fuming, everyone in my old life knew to let my birthday pass without so much as a card or a 'happy birthday'. My mother would always just leave money under my pillow but not mention it. I did not like my birthday, bad things...

I couldn't bring myself to even finish that thought. I kept my head down as I felt tears well up in my eyes. And of course I almost banged right into someone again, well I would have if that person hadn't reached out and grabbed my shoulders.

I gasped and looked up. Damon Salvatore. Oh crap, could this day get any worse. Of all people that I do not want to see me all teary and girly, he was right at the top of that list.

He was smiling at me, but when he saw my face the smile dropped,

"What happened," he demanded, "Did someone hurt you?"

Still holding onto my shoulders, his eyes started darting up and down the street searching for the cause of my tears. I sighed,

"No Damon, no one hurt me. I let something slip in front of Caroline. It brought up some bad memories and I know I'm going to regret letting it out in front Caroline of all people. I know she means well but still..."

He looked down at me for a second, a thoughtful look on his face. Then taking me by the arm he started leading me back towards the grill. I just let him lead me. We sat in a booth at the back, Matt came over to take our order and smiled down at me,

"Hey Jessi, can't stay away huh?"

I liked Matt. He just seemed so sweet and innocent. I smiled up at him, he started to ask me what was wrong when Damon cut him off.

"You can go now! And send over the waitress with 2 whiskeys."

I gave Matt an apologetic smile and he took off, I turned back to Damon, "There was no need for that, he was just concerned."

Ignoring me Damon didn't speak until the waitress placed our drinks in front of us and walked away, "Right now, tell me what you let slip in front of Caroline."

I kept my eyes on the table, "Damon it's nothing really, it's silly."

He reached across the table and covered my hands with his own, "Jessica, look at me!"

Slowly I raised my eyes to meet his.

"Now," he started, "We both know I can persuade you to tell me, but I would rather you told me of your own accord."

He was right, somehow I knew he could get me to tell him. With a sigh I told him,

"She was asking me about the bachelor raffle and I let slip that it was the same day as my birthday"

Damon raised an eyebrow, "Your birthday?"

Sighing again, I explained, "On my 6th birthday my father walked out on us, which was brilliant. He used to beat my mother. But the following year on my 7th birthday he showed up, drunk as usual. My mother tried to stop him getting in the house and he tried to kill her. She spent 2 months in the hospital while I stayed with neighbours. The following birthday, my 8th, he kidnapped me from school and this time tried to kill _me_. He spent a long time beating me and when he got bored of that he stuck a knife in my stomach, he thought I was dead, all to get at my mother. He then dumped me in a park near my home."

I could see the anger and hate forming on Damon's face, he was squeezing his fists so hard the knuckles were white. Focusing on a button on his shirt rather than his face I continued, my voice breaking a little.

"Some kids found me; they told their parents who rang the police. The police were already looking for me. My mother had rang them when she found out the school had let me go with my father. I wasn't quite dead... obviously, as I'm sitting here now. I was rushed to the hospital where the doctors said it was a miracle I was alive. I don't believe that though, I believe it was my mother. I remember the whole time he was kicking and punching me I could see her face. I swear I could hear her voice telling me to go to sleep, not to move, and pretend to be dead, that she would find me. Which is what happened, of course the cops never found him. I was in hospital a long time, never fully healed. Hell I can't even have kids thanks to the stab wound. So the following year on my birthday I had a panic attack, convinced he would show up again. He didn't, but he did send me a card telling me he would see me soon, for 3 years I got those cards on my birthday. I was convinced he was coming back to finish the job he started. So we moved and I haven't heard from him since. But my birthdays remained taboo. I made it clear to my mother, she tried once on my 16th to give me a party and I walked out."

When I finished I downed what whiskey was left in my glass then reached across, took Damon's untouched drink and lowered that one too. I had never told anyone that and I could feel my whole body shaking.

Damon reached across the table, and tilted my chin up so our eyes were level. I knew he could see the pain in my eyes, as clearly as I could see the pity in his. I pulled out of his grasp and stood up looking down at him,

"Damon one thing I hate is pity. I have had years of people pitying me. I don't need it from you."

He stood, "Yes I fell pity," he moved closer, not breaking eye contact, I could see his pupils dilating as he spoke, "I feel pity for the father who couldn't see what a wonderful daughter he had, and still has. I feel pity for the people you closed your heart to as a result of all this. And I will feel pity for any man or woman that ever tries to hurt you again because I will hunt them down and kill them. I do NOT pity you, you really don't realise how strong you are. But I promise you this, I will make you realise it."

I blinked rapidly, Damon and I were at the grill sitting in a booth. Damon was speaking,

"So you're going to the bachelor raffle on Saturday?"

I shook my head, I must have dozed off or something, I remember coming in here but didn't remember sitting down. Weird, I smiled up at him, "Yes, I will be, it's for charity after all."

I looked at my watch, god it was four o'clock, where did the time go. I stood up,

"Sorry, I have to go, I promised my mom I would help her with dinner."


	8. Chapter 8

As I walked home I felt different. That things weren't so bad anymore. I found myself smiling as I walked into my house. Mm was already in the kitchen. I started working around her, but in the middle of setting the table I looked at her, actually really looked at her. She really was the best thing in my life; I walked over to her and threw my arms around her,

"I love you mom. I hope you know that."

Surprised and laughing she hugged me back, "Of course I do baby. And you know how much I love you back."

We sat down to dinner and talked like we hadn't in a long time. She filled me in on her job so far. I filled her in on all my new friends, which of course made her happy.

"So, this Damon?" she asked.

I laughed; she always could pick up on the different tones in my voice as I talked about different people. I smiled shyly at her, "I don't know what's happening there just yet mom. I think I like him, like really like him. I know I can trust him and there's something else about him, like he can be really sweet or something, but doesn't want people to know. I know, that sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person."

She just covered my hand with her own, "No, it doesn't."

I told her to go and relax, I would clean up. She just watched me for a moment. She didn't know who this Damon person was, but she was so happy her daughter had met him. Jessica was always good at making friends wherever she went, but she had not heard Jessica use the word 'trust' since her 8th birthday.

I watched mom get up and go into the sitting room, I finished cleaning and went next door. Elena answered,

"Hey Jessi, come on in."

I followed her into the kitchen. Stefan, Matt, Caroline and Tyler were all sat there. They all greeted me as I sat down with them. Tyler spoke first,

"Hey Jessi, I know all that stuff about your dad sucks, but you should still celebrate your 18th."

I looked at him in shock as did all the others, Caroline slapped the back of his head, "Tyler, you don't just say something like." She snapped. Tyler looked sheepish as Elena moved closer to me,

"Jessi I am so sorry Tyler just blurted that out. We heard that it was your birthday and we kinda know why you don't celebrate them."

I was really confused, "But... how do you know?"

Matt answered me, "When you were with Damon today, you told him and I overheard. Sorry."

Wait, I didn't tell Damon did I? Was that why I blanked out when I was with him. Stefan was looking at me,

"Do you remember what Damon said to you?"

I thought about it, then I shook my head at Stefan, "No, but I've been spacing a lot lately. I think it's the move and all that. Wait, I do remember him asking me if I was going to the bachelor raffle on Saturday."

Elena asked me if I was going, I smiled shyly,

"Of course I'm gonna go. It is for a good cause after all."

They laughed a little with me which broke the tension. We talked a bit more about the raffle, but at the mutual groans of the males in our group we decided to make popcorn and watch a movie. It was late when we all left Elena's. I got into my house quietly, mom was already asleep. I made my way up into my bedroom... and nearly screamed. Damon was sprawled across my bed, smirking.

He watched me as I ignored him and got ready for bed. When I came out of my bathroom he was under the covers. I stood at the doorway for a moment staring at him, he didn't need to know that I was actually really happy to see him.

"Comfortable?" I asked him.

He winked at me, actually winked. "Extremely, aren't you going to join me?"

"Damon I can't... my mother..."

He cut me off, "Don't worry, I worked my magic on her. She won't hear anything."

Smiling I climbed in beside him. He was immediately leaning over my body, stroking the side of my face. I turned my face into his palm, "You know you can be really sweet when you want to be."

He just nodded as his fingers trailed down to my neck. With a sigh I turned my head to allow him access to my throat. I could almost hear the smug, yet contented smile on his face as he lowered his mouth to my neck.


	9. Chapter 9

The following week came and went with my mom and me settling into a routine. School, home, dinner and chat. Then she would go into her study and I would go to Elena's then bed. Although in my case, I had Damon waiting every night when I got to my room.

I seemed to be blocking a lot out these days. I mean the memories were there, Damon would come over, spend the night, great sex and then in the morning he would drive me to school (although mom thought he was just picking me up in the mornings). But at the same time I felt like I was forgetting something important. You know that feeling when you have a name on the tip of your tongue but you just couldn't reach it, it was like that. I knew it had something to do with Damon and the scarves I now always wore, I just didn't know what. I resolved to ask Damon at some stage.

Before I knew it, it was Saturday. When I woke Damon was gone, a note left on the pillow,

_**Had to leave. See you later xxx**_

I couldn't help the smile that was growing on my face, I hugged the note. I would never admit it but I was falling for Damon in a big way.

I got out of bed and noticed an envelope on my dresser. I opened it and found $200 inside. Taking it with me I skipped down to the kitchen. mom was there, still in her pyjamas. I hugged and kissed her, "Thank you so much for my birthday present mom."

I heard her gasp and I laughed, "I know, I said the forbidden word. I just feel... like I'm stronger now. That I can move on."

I stopped laughing, mom was crying, "What's wrong?"

She grabbed me in a massive hug, "Absolutely nothing is wrong baby. I'm just so happy. I am so glad we moved here."

I hugged her again and went up to get dressed. Sitting on my bed was a long black velvet box and a card. I opened the card, _'As your birthday is no longer taboo, here is a small token of my affection.'_ It was just signed 'D'.

How did he know I had changed my mind about my birthday. Shrugging I lifted the box and opened it... and gasped. There sitting inside was a white gold tennis bracelet with diamond settings. I lifted it out of the box carefully and put it on. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Today was going to be such a good day. In fact... I grabbed my phone and dialled Caroline, she answered on the first ring,

"Happy Birt..." she started to say, but caught herself. I laughed, I was doing that a lot lately and I liked it.

"That's ok Caroline. That was why I was ringing you. I've decided that I'm not letting my 18th pass by. I figured we could all go to the raffle to celebrate."

She started shrieking down the phone, she was clearly happy with this information. I just asked her to let the others know, that I would meet them later. I wanted to spend the day with my mother. After I hung up I decided to jump in the shower. When I was out, dressed and bracelet back on I headed downstairs. I was not expecting what I saw.

Mom was standing in the kitchen, a 'Happy Birthday' banner hung behind her, a few balloons spotted the kitchen and there was a birthday cake on the table. As I walked in she started singing Happy Birthday to me. I sat at the table laughing and she sat beside me. I thanked her and asked how she had managed it. I laughed harder when she explained how she had been waiting so long for this that when I went upstairs she had driven into town, still in her pyjamas and a pair of runners to buy the stuff.

The rest of the day passed fairly quickly and soon it was time to head out to meet my friends. As I said good bye to mom I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I almost wanted to stay. I told her this and she told me not to worry. That it was just the worry I had every year on this day. She wanted me to go out with my friends and enjoy myself. Eventually she convinced me and hugging her one last time I left. I didn't exactly have far to walk. Stefan was picking myself, Elena and Jeremy from Elena's house.


	10. Chapter 10

The three of them were waiting on me. I apologised for being late, Jeremy spoke up,

"We thought you might have changed your mind."

"I almost did," I admitted, "I just had a weird feeling but my mom convinced me to come out."

We got into Stefan's car and headed to the grill. The place was packed, but in front of the stage three tables were pushed together. There was a 'Happy 18th' tablecloth covering them and balloons attached at both ends.

Matt, Tyler, Bonnie and Caroline were seated there waiting. As soon as they saw me they all stood and started singing 'Happy Birthday'. Before I had a chance to re-act everybody in the grill joined in, even those that didn't know me. It felt weird being happy to hear it.

As my new friends took turns hugging me I felt teary, I never thought I could celebrate this day again. When we all sat down they all put presents in front of me. I told them they didn't have to but started ripping off wrapping paper causing them all to laugh.

Matt and Tyler had gone together and bought me a voucher for the only music shop in town. Caroline had bought me some new clothes, as well as some new neck scarves. Elena and Stefan gave me a very expensive looking leather bound journal. Jeremy gave me new drawing materials. I loved everything. I thanked them all repeatedly. Then Bonnie handed me an envelope. Inside was a ticket for the bachelor raffle. I had to laugh at that,

"I have to say this is the first time someone has given me the chance to win a man as a present."

I then turned to face them all, "You know in the few weeks I've lived here and known you I feel like I've known you all my life. You've welcomed me into your homes and hearts... and other girly sentiments like that... so thank you."

We all laughed and sat down to watch as the bachelor raffle began. All the men were paraded out, ageing from 18 to mid 30s. I had to laugh when the last man appeared on stage, smirking down at me. I heard Bonnie behind me,

"I didn't know Damon was in this."

Caroline answered her, "Well I know my mom asked him, but he told her no. I wonder what changed his mind."

Elena turned to them and pointed to me, "At this stage do you really need to ask."

As I watched Damon strut his stuff the others watched how he and I never took our eyes of each other. Ever since Matt had told them what Damon had said to me in the grill under compulsion they had looked at me in a slightly different manner. The way he treated me was not how he treated the people he _toyed_ with.

Everybody in the grill seemed to be having fun that night. As each male was raffled off, the cheering in the place from the women got louder. Caroline at this stage was getting us free drinks from the bar. I somehow knew she was able to do it the same way Damon did.

Finally it was Damon's turn to be raffled. Mayor Lockwood reached into the bowl of names, looking at Damon she shouted out,

"And Damon Salvatore goes to... Jessica Bird."

I had to laugh, I just know he had something to do with me winning. Although I was glad, the thought of him leaving with some other woman, even for charity was not a good one.

He sauntered over to our table and sat in the empty seat beside me. As Carol Lockwood thanked everyone who participated or donated Damon took my hand in his and kissed the back of it. He noticed my wrist,

"So, do you like your present?"

"Damon it's the most beautiful bracelet I've ever seen, thank you so much."

I could hear Caroline gasp as the group noticed it for the first time, but while I was with Damon I barely noticed the others beside us. Damon was talking again,

"Well you won me. I'm yours to command."

Smirking back at him I chuckled, "Oh Mr Salvatore, have I got plans for you."

He barked a laugh and started to say something else when Caroline's mother, Sheriff Liz Forbes came over to our table. She asked Damon if she could talk to him for a second, with a quick kiss to my cheek he got up and followed her to the bar.

We all watched as they spoke, Stefan and Caroline were focused more than the rest of us. It almost looked like they could hear the conversation and were listening in. Both their faces dropped at the same time. Stefan started to explain, bodies were found with their blood drained. Whoever the killer was wasn't even trying to cover their tracks. I looked around at my group. Why would the sheriff be telling this to Damon? What would it have to do with our group? And how could Stefan possibly know what they were saying? Damon came back over.

"Stefan, I'm going with Liz. I need you to get Jessi home."

Stefan just nodded and stood. Other than the misplaced feelings his brother had felt for Elena, he had never seen his brother like this with anyone, not counting Katherine and that had been under compulsion.

Now I was confused, what was going on? Everybody was getting their coats. Matt, Tyler and Caroline were getting a lift with Bonnie and Stefan was taking me, Elena and Jeremy. Grabbing my gifts I left with them, Bonnie and the others driving off in one direction and us the other way.

We were halfway to my house when I got the first sick feeling. Something was wrong. I leaned forward and grabbed Stefan.

"Get me home! I need to get there now."

I was getting hysterical. They all tried to calm me but I needed to get home. Something was wrong, I just knew it with every fibre of my being. As we pulled onto our street Elena was dialling Damon, explaining that something was wrong with me. I could hear him down the phone saying he was on his way. As Elena hung up Stefan pulled into my driveway. Before the car came to a full stop I opened the door and jumped out. I could hear them calling after me but I was already at my front door before they were even out of the car.

I stood frozen to the spot. The front door was smashed to bits. As the others reached me, I heard them gasp. Stefan started to say something but a voice cut him off. It came from inside my house,

"Jessica baby, hurry up and come in. It's a family reunion."

I stifled the scream that tried to escape my throat. Elena was beside me in a second,

"Jessi, what is it? Who is it?"

Before I could answer a man stepped into view, holding my mother by the arm, blood was pouring down her neck. I couldn't take my eyes of him.

"Daddy!"

I could hear them talking behind me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. He found us. He knew where we were. Him I could hear perfectly, "Jessica, come in here... or I kill your mother. We have to celebrate your birthday."

My mother tried to tell me to run, to get away. But I couldn't leave her with him... I had no choice. I cried as I entered the house, "Please, please don't hurt her. Take me instead... please..."

My father was smiling and as I got closer to him I noticed his face begin to change. His eyes grew darker, black veins covering the top half of his face and his teeth were growing longer. Before I could blink my mother was at his feet and he had grabbed me, spinning me round to face my friends.

Elena and Jeremy were crying and Stefan... Stefan looked weird. It looked like he was pounding on glass but he was standing in my open doorway. I thought I heard him shouting something about not being invited in at Jeremy. I actually laughed, what a weird time to be worried about manners over not being invited in.

And then my neck was being ripped in half. Or at least that's what it felt like. My father had buried his teeth into me. My voice was faint but I was aware of calling a single name... _Damon..._

The last thing I saw was a pair of beautiful but deadly green eyes baring down on us. I knew I was dying but apart of me understood and accepted it. My father had started this on my birthday all those years ago, I suppose that was how it had to end. I just hoped my mother could one day be happy again...


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm taking her home Liz. She'll be safe with me."

"I know Damon, but remember I have to explain this to the council. So first I have to speak to her, just be patient."

I didn't want to open my eyes. People shouldn't argue when I'm dead. It's just plain rude. The room went quiet and suddenly someone was holding my hand.

"Jessica... Jessica, are you awake?"

Huh, maybe I wasn't dead. I opened my eyes and saw those beautiful green eyes again, searching mine.

"Damon?"

My voice cracked as I spoke, my mouth and throat dry. Damon disappeared and was back in an instant. He held a glass to my mouth and with his other hand lifted my head. I gulped down the water, it felt so good going down.

When I finished I felt slightly better. Damon stayed standing by my side and I noticed Liz was standing at the foot of my bed. I smiled at them,

"So, I'm not dead then. Well that's good, mom will be happy I guess."

They looked at each other with sad faces, I laughed nervously, "Well obviously I'm happy too."

I was really scared all of a sudden as they continued to stare at me. All of a sudden I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had going home... was it last night, two nights ago... it didn't matter. I threw back the blanket and started to climb out of the bed. The wires stopped me, as I started pulling the needles out of the back of my hand Damon tried to stop me.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I looked up at him, "I'm going to find my mom. Don't you dare try and stop me Damon."

I made my voice as angry as possible but he just ignored it, pushing me back into the bed. He had a pained expression on his face, "Jessica, by the time I got to you, you were almost dead. I gave you blood but it wasn't enough so they brought you here. You had to be given so much blood. You need to rest."

I didn't trust the way he and Liz kept looking at each other. I tried getting out of bed again, but again Damon pushed me back down. Now I was getting seriously pissed off.

"Damon, where is my mother? What happened to my father? What did he do to me?"

Damon took a seat beside me on the bed, Liz told us she would give us a few moments. I was starting to freak out.

"Jessica," Damon began, "your mother is dead. Your father broke her neck. He then tried to kill you by draining all your blood."

My hand instinctively went to my neck, which triggered some kind of memory. I gasped at Damon,

"You... you're... you can't be. You care about me... or is that real?"

"Yes Jessica, I'm a vampire. So was your father. But I would never kill or hurt you, yes I do care for you. I can't honestly tell you why, but I do. Your father tried to kill you so I killed him."

I let out a sob and threw my arms around Damon, "He's dead. Oh my god he's dead, we're free. We can stop looking over our shoulders. Mom will be so happy. I can't wait to see her, I have to tell her the good news."

I could feel Damon's entire body stiffen, I sat back confused,

"What's wrong?"

He frowned at me, "Jessi, weren't you listening to me? Your father killed your mother, he broke her neck."

I just stared blankly at him. He was wrong, no way was my mother dead. He was playing some kind of cruel joke. She wouldn't leave me. Not now, not when he was finally gone from our lives. We never had to worry again. Damon was saying something but I couldn't hear him. I could see his lips move but no sound was coming out. It was wrong, all wrong.

Damon was really worried now. Jessica was just staring at him with absolutely no expression on her face. He grabbed her shoulders,

"Jessica... Jessi... are you ok?"

It was like she couldn't hear him. She just kept staring. Damon decided to go find that doctor, Meredith Fell. She knew all about the vampires and was the only person in this place he trusted... well almost trusted.

"Jessi, I'll be back with the doctor as soon as possible." With that Damon took off as fast as he could while pretending to be human.

It registered with me that Damon had left. I looked around me without really seeing anything, home. I had to get home. I would get there and mom would be sitting waiting for me. I climbed out of bed and got dressed in a daze, the actions were automatic more than anything.

I left the hospital and as I passed people I could see them staring at me, pointing at me and saying something but I couldn't hear them, all I could hear was the one thought in my head over and over.

_Mom is at home. She's fine._

I was vaguely aware that the clothes I had put on where the clothes I had arrived in the hospital wearing and were covered in my blood, oh ok then. That explained the looks I was getting.

I was halfway home when suddenly Jeremy was standing in front of me. He grabbed my shoulders and I watched his lips move. He was asking me where I was going, I looked at him. Was he being silly, where else would I be going?

"Home, I have to go home. Mom will be worried!"

I didn't see the look of pity on his face as I walked around him, that was when Damon's car screeched to a halt beside us, he jumped out and ran over to me and Jeremy. I turned my attention to him and smiled, "Hi Damon. Could I get a lift with you? I have to get home."

Damon looked to Jeremy, who shrugged. "I just found her, that's why I phoned you. Doesn't she know about..."

He looked down at me as he answered Jeremy, "Yes, I told her twice. But I don't think it's registered with her."

Damon led me to his car and opened the passenger door for me, I thanked him and climbed in. I waved at Jeremy. "See ya later Jer."

He just waved back, a worried look on his face. People in this town worry too much, I thought to myself as Damon took off in the direction on my house. Neither of us spoke as he drove, we pulled up and I climbed out. I ran to the house,

"Mom... Mom... I'm home..."

As I approached the broken front door however, the blissful denial cloud covering my mind started to waver. I paused before entering the house. Now I was scared, I felt a hand take mine. Damon was beside me, I took a deep breath and squeezing his hand we entered the house. There was blood everywhere. Crippling fear took over my body, my legs crumpled and I fell to the floor. I could hear sobs and realised they were coming from me. Tears were flowing down my face, Damon sat on the floor beside me, sorrow on his face.

"She's not here. Is she?"


	12. Chapter 12

I searched his eyes, pleading. But he shook his head. "I'm so sorry Jessica. It's all my fault."

I shook my head, I was hiccupping now. "No, you saved me. My father is to blame."

Then a thought entered my head, "What you are... is Stefan the same?"

Damon just nodded, he knew where this was going and he knew it was going to hurt. Jessica continued,

"But he just watched. Why? He let this happen."

Damon spoke softly, "He couldn't get in Jessica. We have to be invited in. I got it out of your father before I killed him. He always knew where you were. He was turned when you were 11, that's why he stopped sending those cards. He knew time was on his side. He purposely waited until your 18th. Your mother invited him in."

Ok, now I was confused, "She wouldn't, I know she wouldn't."

Damon took my hand, "He threatened you. He told her if she didn't let him in he would find and kill you."

I looked into his eyes, "But what about you? I didn't invite you in."

He sighed and looked at our entwined hands, "Yes you did. I compelled you to the first day you moved here. Compulsion is a kind of mind control thing vampires can do. I compelled you to forget inviting me in."

I was remembering something, "I tried to invite Stefan in once. But I couldn't get the words out."

Now Damon let my hand go and stood, without looking at me he explained.

"Like I said, it's my fault. It was a game, just a stupid game. I compelled you to not invite him in. I knew it would annoy him and Elena and I thought it would be funny."

Now he looked at me, now it was his eyes that were pleading, pleading with me to forgive him.

"Get out!" I said it so softly I wasn't even sure I said it aloud, but I did, with hate in my voice. He tried to grab my hand again,

"Jessi, I'm..."

I pulled away and stood up. The strength that filled me, fuelled by anger and hate kept my body standing. It was me who this time forced him to keep eye contact.

"A game? My mother is DEAD because I was nothing more than a toy for you to use against your brother and his girlfriend. Well you had me fooled, made me think you cared for me and what, compelled me to think I cared for you. Are any of my feelings real?"

I was shouting at him now, he tried to speak but I cut him off,

"Well I know what I'm feeling now is real. Get away from me Damon. Cut your losses and leave. I'm sure you can find a new _toy_ to play with, one that you don't have to _compel_."

I could feel the tears fighting to flow again, but I did not want to give him the satisfaction. So I stood my ground, he spoke one last sentence.

"Your feelings weren't compelled."

And with that he was gone. He left his car behind. He could move faster without it. Damon was never one to deal with his emotions very well. Chances were people were going to get hurt. Why couldn't Jessi see that it wasn't a game anymore, he thought to himself. All the feelings they both felt were real. Damon felt something on his cheek, he reached up and wiped his face. Looking at his hand he realised he was crying. He hadn't done that in over 100 years.

Back at my house I was sitting on the floor in my hallway. I was still trying to process everything that happened in the last few days. I had gone from having friends, family and a sort of boyfriend to having nothing. Everything was gone.

I heard someone approach. I felt rather that saw someone kneel in front of me. I looked up into Elena's face. Stefan was standing at the doorway behind her. the sadness on both their faces was the final straw. I pushed Elena away from me.

"Don't... don't stand there and pretend to feel sorry for me. Don't pretend you're sad for me."

Elena looked shocked and hurt, "Jessica, what..."

I cut her off as I spoke to Stefan.

"Stefan, why are you standing outside? You don't have to..." Stefan looked to Elena but I kept talking, "Oh wait you do, don't you. I can't let you in, not like I have a choice in that thanks to your brother."

Elena tried to explain, but again I cut her off, "Go on Elena. Explain how, as my friend, you knew this whole time Damon was using me like a freaking toy to piss you two off."

I was screaming at this stage, Jeremy came running in, "Elena, Stefan, just leave!"

Elena tried to speak, "But Jer... we were just..."

"It doesn't matter Elena," Jeremy snapped at her, "as far as I'm concerned Jessi has had enough vampire crap to last her a lifetime."

He turned to Stefan, "Can't you just give her space away from your kind?"

Stefan just nodded and he and Elena left. Jeremy came over to me, I tried to push him away but he put his arms around me and ignoring my feeble attempts at pushing him away, kept hugging me. Eventually I broke down. I buried my face in his chest and cried.

We stayed that way for a long time and eventually I cried myself to sleep. Jeremy carried me up to my bedroom and put me into bed. He then placed himself in the armchair across from me. He wanted to stay awake but eventually he drifted off as well.

Damon was outside waiting. He saw Jeremy fall asleep, he hadn't liked the idea of Jeremy touching his Jessica, putting her to bed but he stayed where he was. He had witnessed the whole nights events, what happened with Stefan and Elena, and then her total breakdown in Jeremy's arms. Now that Jeremy was asleep Damon let himself into the bedroom. He moved to the side of the bed, she was talking in her sleep,

_"...Damon... don't... why Damon?... love you..."_

Damon sat beside her on the bed, she was still crying, even in her sleep. He gently wiped the tears from her face and softly kissed her, first on her forehead then softly on her lips. He noticed that she stopped crying at his touch, but the pain on her face... looking at that pain Damon was sure his heart was breaking. He heard Jeremy stirring behind him and quickly left.

Jeremy stretched out in the armchair, he looked over at me. I was still asleep but I had stopped crying. He figured he had time to use the bathroom.


	13. Chapter 13

The next morning I awoke to find Jeremy asleep on the chair at the end of my bed. He really was a sweet kid. I got out of bed as quietly as I could so as not to wake him and made my way down to the kitchen. I noticed as I passed the hallway that it was clean and a new front door had been put in. I don't know why but I was convinced it had been Damon. I put it out of my mind. I couldn't think about that now. I needed coffee, actually I needed a drink.

Elena was in the kitchen at the breakfast bar. She pointed to the coffee machine, "Do you want coffee. It's fresh!" her voice was quiet and cautious, as if she wasn't sure if I would go for her again. I just nodded, she poured me out a mug and sat back down. I went straight to the cupboard beside the fridge and took out a bottle of whiskey, I poured half the coffee down the sink and filled the mug back up with the alcohol.

I sat across from Elena and lowered the coffee. Elena never took her eyes of me. She finally spoke,

"So, did Jer stay here last night?"

"Yes, he fell asleep on the armchair in my room. Was it _him_ that fixed my door and cleaned up?"

She poured herself another coffee and held out the pot for me, but this time I didn't bother with the coffee and just filled the mug up with the whiskey. As we sat back down she answered me, she knew I meant Damon. I just couldn't bring myself to say his name.

"I'm honestly not 100% sure Jessi, but I would bet that it was him," she paused for a second before rushing on, "Jessica I am so sorry about everything that has happened. We never meant to deceive you. At first we didn't know how to tell you to stay away from Damon without sounding crazy. He had compelled you to not believe anything negative we told you about him."

I cut her off, "I understand that. And let's face it, if you had said to me, '_Jessi, Damon is a vampire'_, I would have avoided you, thinking you were insane."

She moved to stand in front of me. "Jessica, you have to listen to me. The fact of the matter is Damon may have started with the wrong intentions, but he really does care for you. Stefan, in all the years he has been Damon's brother, has never seen him care for someone like this."

That got me curious, well that and the whiskey I was downing,

"Just how old are Damon and Stefan?" I asked.

Elena paused before answering me, "Do you remember your ancestor's journals?"

When I nodded she continued, "Well do you remember they talked about a Damon and Stefan Salvatore?"

I gasped, "But that would make them over 160 years old."

Elena continued explaining, "They were here when Mystic Falls was founded in 1860. For four years the town lived peacefully, until it became obvious that 27 vampires also shared the town."

"Katherine," I interrupted, "Katherine was the head vampire... or whatever you would call it. She compelled the brother's love. When the town captured her, Damon and Stefan tried to free her. Their father shot and killed them." The journals were coming back to me.

Elena picked up the story, "Yes, but what the founding families didn't know was that Katherine had, under compulsion, fed them her blood. They died with it in their system. So they transitioned into vampires. Damon found out that the vampires hadn't burned in the church, like it says in the journals, but in fact were locked mystically in a tomb under the church. He spent 150 years finding a way to get Katherine out. He thought he loved her, but a few months ago, when Bonnie managed to get it open, he found out Katherine wasn't there. She never was. She had never cared for him. It sorta lifted the century and a half compulsion she had over him."

Now she took my hand, "But then he met you Jessi. And he changed, in such a short time. He didn't compel your feelings. I swear to you. When he got here he saved you, and desperately tried to save your mother, tried to get Bonnie to use magic to bring her back for you. But the spirits wouldn't allow it."

At the mention of my mother the drunken haze lifted, almost. The funeral was today. Jenna had organised the whole thing as I lay in the hospital. I was grateful, I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. I sat there numb, what was I going to do? How was I going to cope without her?

My phone began to ring and I answered it automatically, "Hello... yes this is Jessica Bird... what... what are you talking about..." I listened for a few moments as Elena watched me. I knew there was a look of shock on my face. "Ok, thank you... I'll see you then... bye..."

I hung up the phone and stared at it, Elena was by my side in a moment, "Jessi... is everything ok?"

I looked up at her, the room spinning a bit. "That was my family lawyer... I didn't even know we had one. He received my parents death certs, apparently things move fast in this town if you're descended from a founding family. I have to go to his office for an official reading or something and to sign some things, but the jist is this, an account was set up in my name when I was born. I was supposed to receive it on my 21st birthday. My mother's parents, the Fell's set it up so my father couldn't get his hands on it. When they died all their money, their land, everything went into this account, and because both my parents are dead it's mine now. As is this house and everything my mother owned."

Elena looked as surprised as I was, "How much?" she asked, "Do you mind me asking? Will you be able to afford this house, to stay in school?"

I was still staring at the phone when I answered her, "Between the land and money it comes to just over five million dollars."

Elena's hand flew to her mouth, I continued to talk, "I had no idea. My mother never told me."

Jeremy walked into the kitchen at that moment, "Told you what?" he asked rubbing his eyes.

I suddenly felt like there was no air in the room, I needed to be on my own. "Elena can fill you in. Thank you for staying with me Jeremy, but I need some time to think."

They both hugged me, told me they would see me at the church. After they left I just sat back down. I finished off that bottle and opened a second one. I was suddenly very aware of how quiet the house was. Mom was not someone who made a lot of noise but I would always hear her in her office, or watching television. This silence was deafening. I couldn't take it anymore. I took the bottle of whiskey, grabbed my keys, including the new one that was in an envelope taped to the front door. I just started walking, I didn't know where I was going, didn't care. I just kept walking and drinking, a dangerous combination. Thoughts were rushing through my drunken mind. Finally he was out of our lives... for good. This was a time when mom and I should be celebrating. Instead I was supposed to bury her. How was that fair? Why should I get to live when she didn't? She was the one who had more to offer this world. What the hell did I have?

I suddenly realised where I was. I must have been walking for a lot longer than I realised.

I was at the Salvatore boarding house. Taking a mouthful of whiskey I entered the house, it was very quiet. I made my way up the stairs and moved to the balcony overlooking the library. I climbed up and sat on the railing, then took out my phone and drunk dialled Damon. He answered immediately.

"Jessica?"

I started slurring, could barely keep my eyes open, "You.. you saved wrong one Damon."

"What? Where are you?"

I kept talking, "Wrong person Damon. I should have died... should have saved her. she was the important one... I'm nothing... I don't deserve it..."

I could hear the panic in his voice, why was he panicking. I was just setting things right.

"Jessica love, please tell me where you are. Please, don't do anything rash."

I heard a car pull up outside.

"I s'pose that's you pulling up, have to go now. I don't know what's real anymore... but Damon, I think... I think I loved you..."

I was crying now. I heard the car outside screech to a halt on the gravel. Damon was shouting down the phone, _"Are you in my house? Please Jessica..."_

I dropped the phone, and let go of the railing. To intentially climb down or fall down I wasn't sure, but it was the latter that happened. Just before I hit the floor I heard rather than saw him, he was calling... actually no, he was screaming my name as he rushed to catch me. But he was too late, then there was nothing.


	14. Chapter 14

Damon had been driving home when Jessica called him. Initially he was happy when he saw her name on his phone's screen, but 4 seconds into the call he knew something was horribly wrong. Her speech was completely slurred and she wasn't making much sense. He tried to get her to tell him where she was but she just kept saying the wrong one was saved. Now he was panicking. He was pulling into his driveway when she mentioned it. How did she... he looked up at the house. Now she was crying. He slammed on the brakes ready to jump from the car, but her next sentence stunned him making him freeze for a second, she loved him.

Him, Damon Salvatore, was loved. He started pleading with her as he got out of the car. The phone went dead. He nearly took the front door of the hinges rushing into the house just in time to see her fall. He screamed her name and tried to catch her but he was a micro second too late.

Damon fell to the floor, he pulled Jessica onto his lap. For the first time in his long life as a vampire Damon Salvatore didn't even notice the blood. He just held her, gently rocking back and forth, tears flowing down his face.

Elena was getting very worried about Jessi. She hadn't turned up to her mother's funeral, she wasn't at home and now there seemed to be a problem with her phone. Elena and Stefan were in the car on the way to the Salvatore home, she turned to Stefan who was driving.

"Something is wrong Stefan, I just know it is. Where can she be?"

"Look when we get to the boarding house, you wait there and I'll go find..." Stefan's voice trailed off as they turned onto the driveway. Damon's car was sitting in the middle of the driveway, engine running and the door wide open.

Stefan was immediately out of his own car and using all his speed to run to the house. It took Elena slightly longer to get there and when she did she was slightly out of breath. She saw Stefan just standing in the entrance hall to the house, just staring in, horror etched on his face.

"Stefan? Stefan what is it?"

Stefan couldn't answer. Elena followed his gaze and screamed. Damon was on the floor holding Jessica, rocking back and forth. What caused her to scream was the vast amount of blood and the way Jessica's lifeless eyes were staring at the ceiling.

She and Stefan moved closer, Damon didn't even seem to notice they were there.

"Damon?" Elena said his name so softly. He didn't even acknowledge them. Stefan reached out to check Jessica's neck for a pulse, not expecting one when Damon let out a roar. He pushed Stefan, sending him flying across the room and crashing into some shelves.

"Don't touch her... just, don't..." Damon snarled. He went back to rocking, rubbing Jessica's hair, almost as if soothing her.

Elena couldn't take her eyes of the scene in front of her, and could feel the tears quietly fall down her cheeks. It wasn't fair, how could one girl have so much terrible things happen to her. Stefan picked himself up and came to stand next to Elena. Damon was mumbling,

"I was too late... too late... I couldn't catch her... too late..."

Suddenly Elena jumped, "Oh my god, she's alive! Look at her hand, her fingers are moving."

Three sets of eyes fell on Jessica's twitching hand, and as they watched the wounds on her head and body started to disappear until they were completely gone.

Stefan remembered first, couldn't believe they had forgotten, but with everything that had happened in the last few days... He knelt in front of his brother,

"Damon, when you saved her life, you gave her your blood."

Damon looked confused for a second, Stefan continued, "Damon, she has vampire blood in her system."

Elena noticed the briefest flickers of hope on Damon's face, before it was replaced with one of regret and worry. He looked up at Stefan,

"Please, take her home. She won't want to see me, especially now. I've done everything wrong, I need to do this right."

Stefan understood, Damon stood up and carried Jessica to Stefan's car and placed her ever so gently on the back seat. She was flickering in and out of consciousness. He placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I think I loved you too." He whispered against her skin. He stepped back and moved out of Stefan's way. As Stefan and Elena took off, Damon walked back into his house. For the second time in less than a week he had to clean Jessica's blood up from a floor. He wished he could be there when she woke fully but he knew it was impossible. She would hate him for this. As far as he could tell she had tried to end it quickly while drunk. Now she faced another decision, die slowly and painfully or complete the transition and become a vampire.

The selfish part of Damon hoped she would choose the latter. He no longer could imagine a world without her in it, even if she hated him.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke in my own bed, the sun pouring in the window. God my head was killing me, how much did I drink yesterday... yesterday. Oh god. I sat up, Elena was sitting on the side of my bed, Stefan was sitting on the window seat. They both looked so sad, I grabbed Elena's hand,

"What happened... did I... please tell me I didn't try and..." I couldn't even finish the sentence.

Elena's voice was soft, "You drank an awful lot yesterday and you ended up at the boarding house. You went up on the railing..."

I took over the story as bits and pieces came back to me, "I called Damon, I remember that now. But... but I fell, or jumped... I don't know what I did... how did Damon...?"

Stefan cut in, "Save you? He didn't."

Ok, now I was confused, "Well if he didn't save me, or catch me or something, then how am I here without a scratch?"

"Do you remember the journals?" Stefan asked me.

"Yes, of course." I replied, what the hell did they have to do with this. Stefan continued,

"Well, do you remember what it said about a person becoming a vampire?"

I was becoming exasperated, "Yes, if you die with vampire blood in your system then..."

A very sudden, very clear memory filled my mind. Me waking up in the hospital, Damon explaining, _'I gave you my blood, but it wasn't enough.'_

I turned to Elena, "No, please no. I made a mistake, I was drunk and emotional, upset, I missed mom so much. But I didn't want to really die. I can't be a..." I couldn't say it. I just couldn't.

I started crying and Elena pulled me into a fierce hug. Stefan stood,

"Jessica, I'm so very sorry. But you have two choices. By tonight you can either feed, and complete the transition... or you can die."

I had to get up. I couldn't just lie in bed on what, one way or the other, was going to be my last day as a human. I was going through the motions as I went into the bathroom and got dressed. I came back into the bedroom and sat brushing my hair when a thought occurred to me, "Stefan you're in my house. How? I thought you had to be invited in."

"Normally you do. But this house was put in your name when your mom died, and then you died. We only have to be invited in when a living person owns the house."

Mom.

I had almost forgotten. I started hyperventilating. Elena looked to Stefan, who came and knelt in front of me taking my hands.

"All your emotions are heightened during transition," he explained, "You need to take deep breaths, try and calm down."

I kept eye contact with Stefan as I worked to control my breathing, eventually I was able to do it.

Stefan explained, "When you become a vampire everything about you gets magnified. Your qualities, your emotions. That's why it's so easy for some vampires to turn off the switch on their humanity. It's easier than dealing with the pain."

That defiantly got my attention, "Turn of the switch?"

"Yes," Stefan continued, "It's a choice some vampires make. We have the ability to turn off our emotions... our humanity. As a result we feel nothing, which is obviously never a good thing."

I just nodded, not having to feel anything. How would that be a bad thing? Without saying anything else I got up and went downstairs, Elena and Stefan following closely. That could get annoying. I looked at Stefan,

"Where's Damon? I thought he would be here."

I felt the familiar ache in my chest when I thought of him, this no emotion thing looked better and better. I realised Stefan was talking, I tried to focus on him.

"Damon thought you would need time to process everything. He didn't know if you would want to see him."

I couldn't focus on his voice, that buzzing noise... I think it was the lamp bulb... it was getting too loud. I turned to them,

"I'm sorry, I need... I need a few... I need some space. I have to get out of here. I'll be back soon, I promise."

And with that I took off, I was glad they had the good sense not to follow me. I just started walking, everything was too bright, too noisy. Before I realised it I was standing at the cemetery standing over my mother's fresh grave. The tears started falling, god I was getting sick of crying.

"Mom, I don't know what to do! I've messed up so bad. God, you're only gone a few days and I screw everything up. I didn't mean to do this, I didn't mean... mom I miss you so much. You always knew what to do."

As I knelt down to touch the grave, I came to a decision. I wouldn't complete the transition, I wanted to be with mom. I sat there for a while, a couple of hours passed by and then I heard Damon's voice.

"Yes I feel pity."

I jumped up and turned to his voice, but I couldn't understand what I was seeing. Damon and myself were standing by a table in the grill. It was like watching a video or something, as I watched transfixed Damon moved closer to 'other' me, he wasn't breaking eye contact.

_"I feel pity for the father who couldn't see what a wonderful daughter he had, and still has. I feel pity for the people you closed your heart to as a result of all this. And I will feel pity for any man or woman that ever tries to hurt you again because I will hunt them down and kill them. I do NOT pity you, you really don't realise how strong you are. But I promise you this, I will make you realise it."_

Then it was gone, what the hell was that. Suddenly it happened again, I was in Damon's bedroom and he was biting me. I recognised what I was wearing from the first night I met him. More and more flashes were happening, all the times he had compelled me. To quit smoking, to invite him in, so that's how he knew about my vervain allergy. Hah, even in death vervain is deadly to me. Some nicer memories came then, of us lying in bed with him just watching me and stroking my face. In these memories when he fed from me I didn't see anger or hate on his face. Just... smiles and content.

I sat back down. I honestly didn't know what to think about Damon. What was I to him? I drew my knees up to my chest and leaned against my mother's headstone. At least the sun had gone down. My eyes weren't as sore now. I just hoped Elena wouldn't be too mad at me for not coming back, but this seemed like the right place to do this, next to my mother. As I closed my eyes I could feel my breathing getting shallow. It was starting to hurt when I drew in each breath. It was getting very painful now, I looked at my watch. I thought I had another two hours. Obviously Stefan had done his math wrong.

"God..." I shouted, I was angry and sad and tired and every other emotion. Thankfully it was nearly over.


	16. Chapter 16

I heard someone running towards me, I could hear a heartbeat so it wasn't Stefan or Damon. I looked up through the pain and saw Mr Tanner. I let out a hard laugh, of all the people to be with me when I die, him? He was carrying flowers, he must have been visiting a grave and heard me shout. I tried to stand but fell back down. As tanner reached me he tripped on something, falling right in front of me. He quickly picked himself up and then helped me into a sitting position.

I couldn't take the pain anymore, my body was covered in sweat as I tried to focus on Mr Tanner, he was asking me something along the lines of 'Are you Ok?'. Through the pain I actually started laughing, although it sounded hysterical, probably was. How was I ok? Was he really that stupid, one look at me and it was clear I was anything _but_ ok. I felt a sharp pain in my side and bent over, Mr Tanner moved closer... and then suddenly all I could smell was blood. And it smelled wonderful. I looked at him, he had a cut on his neck. It must have happened when he fell. I honestly don't think I could help myself, I had no control of my own body.

I lunged at Tanner, I completely surprised him and he fell back with me on top. Holding him down I sunk my teeth into his neck over the small cut. He tried to push me off but couldn't. I was surprisingly, even to myself, strong... or maybe just strong willed. The warm blood flowing down my throat was just so damn good. It was like if your drowning, and suddenly you're pulled out of the water, that first gulp of fresh air. Heaven.

I felt the blood flow starting to slow and some part of me realised that Tanner was no longer fighting me, when one last memory filled my mind. Damon was putting me in Stefan's car, _'I think I loved you too!'_ he whispered to me.

That memory actually threw me of Tanner.

I realised what I had done. God no, please no. I scrambled over to him and tried to find a pulse. I started crying when I couldn't find one.

God... I was so fucking sick of crying. I sat beside Tanner. I had killed him. I had killed a person. I was a murderer, I started hyperventilating when suddenly I grabbed my face. Somthing was happening to my jaw, the pain was unbelievable. I could feel my teeth changing.

Oh no.

I looked at Tanner's body again. I wasn't supposed to transition.

"Why? Why is this happening to me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?" I screamed at the night air. I honestly didn't expect an answer.

"You don't deserve any of this."

I spun around and Damon was standing there. I ran to him and buried my face in his chest. I could feel his shock as his arms went around me protectively, holding me as I cried into his shirt for what seemed like forever. Finally I looked up at him,

"I killed him Damon, I didn't meant to, I swear. I came here to die. I wasn't going to transition. But the pain started and I shouted. Mr Tanner was here, he must have heard me and came to check on me. But he fell and cut himself. I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry Damon, god I'm so sorry."

Why couldn't I stop crying, Damon just kept holding me.

"Jessica love, don't worry. I'll sort this out. It was an accident that's all. We can show you how to control it."

I pushed him off me, shouting at him now, "Why can't I stop crying. I feel like I've cried for days. For my mother, in a sick way for my father and even for you. For all the..."

I stopped, looked up at Damon, he reached out for me, "What is it?"

I had remembered what Stefan had said, only this morning. I said it out loud, "That's why it's so easy for some vampires to turn of their emotions."

Damon grabbed my shoulders, "No Jessica. That is not an option. You can get through this but not if you do that."

Ignoring him I closed my eyes, I didn't know quite how to do it and then... there in my mind, I could almost feel it, almost see it. Like there really was a switch, I just had to...

Damon watched in horror as Jessica tried to turn off her humanity. He was holding her shoulders, he didn't know what to say. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell when she figured it out. Damon did the only thing he could think of. He pulled her closer to himself, lowered his head and kissed her.

I was about to do it, turn it all off when I felt Damon's lips on mine. I couldn't help myself. I didn't know if it was the heightened senses or the fact that I just really missed the feel of his lips on mine, but I kissed him back, moaning into his mouth. My hands snaked up into his hair, holding his face firmly against mine. Our kiss deepened, I jumped up wrapping my legs around his waist, his hands moved to my backside, holding me tighter to him. He moved, and in the blink of an eye he had me pinned up against a tree, my hands were all over his body.

And then I was standing on my own, Damon was standing a few feet away. My breathing was hitched and I could see so was his.

"Why did you stop?" I asked him, pouting.

"I'm sorry, I had to make you stop. You were going to turn it off. I know turning off the bad emotions sounds good, but you would lose all the good ones as well. Love, happiness, compassion... you would kill for the sake of killing."

His eyes were pleading with me, begging me not to do it.

"I remember everything," I stated, looking at his feet.

"What are you talking about? What do you..." he stopped short, staring at me. In a flash he was in front of me again, he lifted my chin, tilting my face so I was looking him in the eye. He looked so sad,

"I'm so very sorry Jessica. All those... all the times I bit you and used you for food. That's what you're talking about right? All the times I compelled you. I don't know how, but I will make it up to you."

An hour ago, he would have been right, but not now. I placed my hands on his face, caressing his cheeks.

"I'm talking about the nights we spent together where you were so sweet to me. I'm talking about what you said about not pitying me... and I'm talking about you telling me you love me."

A single tear rolled down his cheek. "Jessica..."

I raised myself a little and kissed him. It was a gentle soft kiss. His arms went round my waist, mine around his. Then I remembered and pulled away.

"Mr Tanner. I forgot about him. I killed him."

Damon grabbed me by the shoulders again, seemed to happen a lot, people grabbing me by the shoulders.

"Jessi, I need you to listen to me. I need you to go to my house, go there and please wait for me. I'll sort this out. And I'm begging you, please don't try switching off your emotions."

I hesitated for a moment, but Damon pushed me, "Go now!"


	17. Chapter 17

I turned and ran as fast as I could, which turned out to be pretty damn fast. I wasn't prepared for the speed. I was moving so fast I knew I would be nothing more than a blur to humans and yet I could see everything, every leaf, every tree and animal as if I was going for a jog. Before I knew it I was at the boarding house, I ran inside and pulled up short.

Elena and Stefan where there, in the library. Elena was pacing in front of the large fireplace while Stefan leaned against it. they both had a drink in their hands. I tried to sneak past but Stefan heard me.

"Jessica." He called out.

I turned and faced them, Elena ran to me and threw her arms around me.

"Oh Jessica, we were so worried about you. We thought you..."

Her voice trailed off as she noticed my clothes. It was covered in blood.

"I... I... it was an accident," I stammered, "I didn't mean to... I was going to..."

Oh great, I was crying again. Stefan led me into deeper into the library and sat me on a sofa. Elena sat beside me, Stefan knelt in front of me. "Jessica," he began, "It's ok, just tell me what happened."

Crying I told them everything that had happened since I left them that morning. When I got to the Mr Tanner bit I heard Elena gasp in shock, which made me feel worse. Which I didn't think I was capable of.

"See this is why I wanted to turn off my emotions."

Stefan grabbed my hands in his own, "Jessica, you can't do that. It's not as good as it sounds..."

I interrupted him, "I know Stefan. Damon told me, made me promise I wouldn't. It was Damon who told me to come here."

"Damon?" Elena asked, "But where did he find you? We looked everywhere."

I looked down as I answered her, "My mother's grave." As I looked down, at the blood covering my top I didn't know if I was going to be able to cope with this pain and guilt, why couldn't I just turn it off?

And then the reason why walked in.

"Jessica?"

Damon was there, covered in blood and dirt. I ran to him, his arms open to embrace me. I buried my head in his chest again, he kissed the top of my head, "Come on, let's go upstairs. We can get cleaned up."

But I was emotionally exhausted, Damon picked me up and carrying me, took me up to his room. He carried me right through to his very large en-suite bathroom. He sat me on the toilet, all the while I said nothing. He turned to the bathtub, a bathtub so large I figured four people could fit in comfortably. I laughed, what an odd thing to think about at a time like this. Damon looked over at me quietly laughing to myself. He was probably worried that I was slowly... actually rapidly... going insane. He turned his attention back to the bathtub and turned the taps on full, he stood up and poured some... what looked like bath salts... into the rising water.

While the bath filled Damon stood in front of me. He kicked off his socks and shoes and then pulled his top off over his head. He then knelt in front of me and took off my shoes and socks. I still didn't speak, or move to help or stop him. Watching me the entire time he took hold of the hem of my top and like an obedient child I lifted my arms above my head and off came the top. Then my jeans and underwear followed the top to the floor. Damon removed the remaining articles of clothing he was wearing, lifted me and lowered both of us into the bath. It was quite full now so he reached over and turned off the taps.

He sat with his back to the edge of the tub and pulled me up between his legs, so my back was against his chest. I lay back and let Damon take control. He lifted the scrub sponge and within moments we were both clean.

Well clean on the outside. At this moment in time I honestly did not know if I would ever feel clean on the inside again. Once Damon finished washing the dirt from my hair he wrapped his arms around me, he bent his head to my ear.

"Just let it go Jessica. All of it now, not in bits. Don't stop until there is no more." He whispered in my ear. That was all it took, yet again tears began to fall down my cheeks and into the bath water.

But this was different, this wasn't the hysterical crying of heightened emotions, or the drunken tears of a suicidal girl.

These were quiet tears, for the loss of a mother and best friend. For a stranger named Mr. Tanner who I was sure was more than a disliked teacher. For a father who just couldn't love his daughter... and for an eighteen year old girl who in just three days had her entire life ripped from her, in so many ways.

Finally there were no more tears to fall. There was still sadness and defiantly still grief. But a part of me knew they would always be there. There was something else bubbling beneath the surface, another emotion... anger. But I ignored it.

I was so exhausted I fell asleep, right there in the tub in Damon's arms.

Damon lifted her out of the tub and carried her to his bed. Without waking her he put one of his oversized t-shirts on her and covered her in the bed. Once dressed he left the room, quietly closing the door behind him and made his way downstairs to his brother.

The others were here now and they all looked like they were going to yet another funeral. He walked past them and poured himself a drink. Once sitting he faced them and answered the question they all wore on their faces.

"She had chosen to let herself die. But apparently, for the second time, that wasn't meant to happen. Tanner was there and cut himself. She couldn't help herself, with the pain she was feeling and she fed on him." He explained quickly.

Matt spoke up, "What about Mr. Tanner?"

Damon looked to Stefan and Elena, surprised they hadn't told all. Damon continued, "Dead."

At their shocked expressions Damon went on, but there was an edge to his voice. "It was an accident. I have only just got her to calm down. She hates herself right now and if any of you make her feel worse by mentioning Tanner I will kill you. Understand?"

They all looked taken aback but nodded nonetheless. Bonnie moved towards Damon.

"I felt her aura before all... all this... happened. I know she truly is a good kind person. What you're doing for her Damon, shows how wonderfully good she is. The effect she has on those around her. That's why I made this today when Elena rang me to fill me on what was happening."

She held out her hand and dropped something into Damon's. A ring, it was similar to Damon's only it was more feminine and a bit smaller. His head shot up when he realised what it was.

"A daylight ring? You know you're right about how she affects the people around her, even you Bonnie. Thank you."

The others all looked on in shock. Bonnie and Damon, being so civil and almost... nice to each other, this was brand new to them. Jessica really did have that affect on those around her.

Tyler spoke up, "What is she going to do now? Is she going to stay in school, or in Mystic Falls?"

Downing his drink Damon answered him, "I don't know... I honestly don't. If she wishes to stay here that's great. I'll buy her mother's house for her. I know how hard they had it growing up. She doesn't exactly have a lot of money. But if she wants to move..."

Damon's voice trailed off as he saw Elena give Jeremy and Stefan a weird look.

"What Elena? Do you have a problem with me doing..."

"Of course not," Elena interrupted Damon, "it's just... well, yesterday before Jessica came here to... well before she came here, she received a phone call. Apparently the Fell's, her grandparents, set up a trust for her. She was supposed to get it on her 21st birthday as they never trusted her father."

"With good reason." Jeremy muttered under his breath. Elena just continued,

"Well as both her parents are dead, she receives it now."

"Don't keep us in suspense." Caroline urged.

Elena took a breath, "Between money and land, just over five million dollars."

The look on everyone's face, if it hadn't been such a grave time would have been priceless. Damon was quiet for a moment. A part of him wasn't exactly thrilled she had that much money. She wouldn't need him, or anybody for that matter. She would be able to afford anything... or anywhere that she wanted.


	18. Chapter 18

_AN: For the readers from different parts of the world, Michael is pronounced My-kill._

"I would like to stay here in Mystic Falls, if that's ok with everybody?"

Everybody turned at the sound of my voice, I was standing in the doorway. Caroline was by my side in a flash. So she was a vampire too. She hugged me tightly,

"Oh Jessica, we would love for you to stay. You're part of our big messed up family now."

She led me in to the room. Damon poured me a whiskey and I sat on the arm of his chair. I downed the drink in one gulp and without saying a word he just filled up my glass again. This time I sipped it. Elena spoke up,

"Well the house is already yours, and you have money so if you want to stay we would love you to. But what are you going to do? Are you going to stay in school," she laughed, "I mean you're going to live forever, you probably don't want to put up with teachers and homework anymore."

They all looked at me in shock, I looked down at my hand. I hadn't realised when Elena mentioned teachers I thought of Mr. Tanner and had squeezed my hand breaking the glass I was holding. I started picking up the bits of glass from the floor, "I'm so sorry. I didn't... I just..."

Damon pulled me to my feet causing me to drop the bits of glass I had managed to pick up,

"Jessica, do not apologise again. You have done nothing wrong, it's just a glass."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened them when I was calm. Damon was staring down at me, a soft smile on his lips. He took my hand and placed a ring on the ring finger of my right hand. It looked kinda like his, I realised it was a daylight ring. I hugged Bonnie, knowing it was thanks to her.

We sat down again, this time I sat in the chair and Damon sat on the arm of it. I subconsciously leaned towards him and my hand snaked into his. I turned to the group who hadn't missed the way I was sitting. I spoke up,

"I want to stay in Mystic Falls. And yes, I want to stay in school. Hell, I even want to go to college. My mom would come back just to kill me if I didn't finish my education. Plus, I enjoy classes. I'm just afraid in case I..." I couldn't finish the sentence.

They all knew what I was thinking. What if when I went back to school I attacked or killed someone. I couldn't do that again. Stefan was gone in a flash and back just as quick. I had to admit the speed thing, although cool, still kinda freaked me out. He was carrying a hospital blood bag. He handed it to me.

"These should keep your hunger at bay while you're in class," Stefan explained, "and I'll be there if you ever feel your control starting to slip, I can help and so can Caroline."

I looked at the blood bag in my hands and then up at Damon. He just smiled at me, a part of me felt like I could kill everybody in this town and he would just keep smiling at me.

The thought of killing anybody upset me, so I didn't think I could... on purpose anyway. However I did feel a weird powerful thirst in the back of my throat as I thought about it. Suddenly I was very aware of the five beating hearts in the room. I must have been staring at them because I heard Damon speak beside me, "Drink the bag Jessica."

I snapped out of my daze, 8 pairs of eyes watching me. Taking another deep breath I started drinking, I was a bit uncomfortable doing it in front of everybody but I had to admit the relief was instant.

As the others started talking about normal everyday things, such as parties and school dances I let my mind wander. I was thinking about my life now, I did want to stay here and I did want to honor my mother by finishing school and college. I knew if I wanted to Damon would let me live here in the boarding house, but the more I thought about it I realised I wanted my own home.

Not the one my mother died in, that I would sell. Actually I would be happy with my own little apartment. I realised Jeremy was talking to me,

"Are you alright Jessi?"

I nodded to him the spoke to the whole group, "I'm going to sell the house and buy an apartment."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Bonnie asked.

"That house means nothing to me. We were only living there such a short while. It's just the house where everything went wrong." I explained.

I stood up, my mind set on doing this. Damon stood as well.

"You don't have to do this now." He whispered.

I smiled up at him, "Yes I do, and I want to do it myself." I could see he was going to argue, I put my hand on his cheek, "Really Damon, I'll be ok, but I need to at least try to do this on my own."

Keeping eye contact he nodded and then ignoring everyone he bent his head, placing his lips on mine. The kiss was both gentle and intense and caused me to blush.

When the kiss ended I said goodbye to the others without looking at them. I could hear a few chuckles and then I was gone.

It felt like only moments later I was at my house. I could get used to this speed. Taking a breath I opened the door and entered. As I stood in the hallway a copper like smell filled my nostrils, it took me a moment to realise I was smelling my own blood from the night my mother died and my father attacked me. I felt like I was going to throw up so I ran to the bathroom and sat by the toilet.

Could vampires even get sick?

The smell filled my nostrils again and I answered my own question. Yes, vampires could get sick. I started vomiting blood.

When I finished I stayed there for a few seconds to make sure there was no more. I pushed myself up off the floor and cleaned up the mess I had made. I slowly made my way down the hallway to my mother's bedroom. I pushed open the door and entered the room. It broke my heart as I looked around at the familiar objects. I picked up a framed picture of the two of us at some beach.

Clutching it to my chest I lay down on her bed. I could smell her scent from the pillow. I didn't feel like crying, it was more like a burning anger I felt. At the same time there was an itch at the back of my throat. Maybe doing this on my own hadn't been such a good idea.

Still holding onto the picture I got up. I had friends who honestly just wanted to help me, I should let them. I thought I had wanted to do this on my own but with the anger I was feeling... and the hunger... maybe I shouldn't be on my own just yet. I went back downstairs and phoned Elena, she answered almost immediately.

"Jessi, are you ok?"

Trying to ignore the hunger I spoke quickly, "Elena I was wrong, I can't do this on my own."

"You don't have to. We'll be there soon." She replied, her voice gentle.

I was about to hang up when I remembered the hunger, "Also, if it's ok with Stefan and Damon, can you bring a blood bag. It's just..."

She cut me off, "Don't worry. Damon's getting them now. See you soon."

I thanked her and hung up. I went to the kitchen to get myself a drink while I waited. I had just raised the glass to my lips when there was a knock on the front door. That was quick, I thought to myself as I went to open it.

I pulled the door open, the half smile I wore dropped and I growled, I actually growled. My father's brother Michael was standing there. When I was younger, before we got away, Michael would sometimes stay with us and he would join my father in beating my mother.

He jumped when I growled, his hand raised to knock again. He looked me up and down, contempt on his face.

"Well don't you look like a piece of crap." He spat at me. I could smell the drink on him, some things never changed. He was always a drunk.

I was barely holding it together, "What do you want Michael?"

He scowled at me, "I want to know what the hell happened here. I got a call two days ago, apparently my brother is dead."

I smiled, but it was a smile that made him falter in his words.

"Yes Uncle Michael, he is dead. Pretty much got his head ripped off. And I couldn't be happier."

I started to close the door on him but he pushed it back open, "What the hell did you and your whore of a mother do?" he shouted at me.

The edge I had been clinging to since stepping back into this house crumbled when he insulted my mother. The pain and hunger I had been desperately trying to control took over as I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the house. I shut the door and dragged him into the sitting room. I stood at the doorway and threw him across the room, sending him crashing into the coffee table. As he scrambled to get up I walked over to him and pinned him to the wall, the fear on his face was beautiful. I had worn that same expression for so long as a result of him and his brother.

I hit him across the face and he fell to his knees. Not giving him a chance to recover I kicked him in the ribs as hard as I could. I could hear some of them snap as he hit the wall and fell to the ground. As I reached him he was trying to crawl away from me.

"Where are you going Uncle Michael? I thought you wanted to know what happened your wonderful brother." I asked, looking down at him. He was so pathetic, how had I ever been afraid of him? I continued taunting him,

"He came here to kill me and my mother. He succeeded in killing her, but not me. He did come close but you see I have great friends here. And my friend Damon, he really did rip his fucking head off. And you know something; no one even batted an eyelid at his death. Because, dear Uncle... because daddy dearest was nothing but scum who deserved to die... just like you do."

With that I flipped him onto his back. Blood was pouring from his nose and mouth, the smell filled me. Just as I was about to finish him his hand shot up. I looked down at the knife that was now protruding from my stomach,

"Did you come here to finish what your brother started?" I laughed, a cold empty laugh, as I pulled the knife out and threw it across the room.

As I looked down at him I noticed a dark stain forming on his trousers and he wet himself. I barked another cold laugh at him, "I can't believe we were ever afraid of you. You are nothing but a worthless piece of shit..."

I straddled his chest, pinning him to the ground, "Well Uncle Michael, I'm here to answer your prayers. You miss your brother so much? Well I'm about to send you to him."

He tried pleading with me, "You can't do this. We're family."

My face was mere inches from his, I bent closer, my mouth beside his ear, "Give daddy my best."

With that I gave into the hunger. I sunk my teeth into the soft flesh at his neck. The blood flowed so easily down my throat and it tasted amazing. Nothing like the blood bag, I drank until there was nothing left.

When I finished I moved away from the body, I sat there on the floor looking down at my uncle's dead body. I no longer felt anger or joy. I felt sick. And not like the way I felt earlier. I felt sick when I realised in one day I had killed two people. It didn't matter what my uncle had done. He didn't deserve to die, not by my hand. And what was worse. It had felt so damn good. I sat there for a while staring at his corpse. What had I done?

I truly was a monster.


	19. Chapter 19

As I sat there staring at the dead body of my uncle I heard a car pull up. With my heightened sense I could hear Elena talking to the others. They were here to help me.

I started to panic, what would they say when they saw this? What would they think of me? It was too much, I quickly ran from the house, taking the back door. I couldn't face my friends after this. They would hate me.

When I stopped running I was back where it all started, so to speak. My mother's grave. I fell to my knees on the still fresh soil as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

"I screwed up mom, I killed Uncle Michael and I'm so sorry. To make matters worse... I liked it. I couldn't stop myself once I had started. In fact I'm still..."

My voice trailed off as I sniffed the air. I felt every hair on my body stand as I took off in the direction of the scent of cigarette smoke. I came upon a group of kids from school who were sitting outside an old crypt drinking and smoking. I didn't even know their names, which is probably why it was so easy to attack. I was on top of them in seconds, they were too stoned to even be fully aware of what was happening.

Just as I was biting into the neck of the third one she started screaming. It seemed to snap me out of the craze I was in. My senses returned as I looked around me in shock. Three people, three innocent people lay almost dead at my feet, by my hand. What was I doing? I was worse than my father and uncle combined.

With that thought I gave up.

I couldn't do this anymore. I closed my eyes, where was that damn switch. Ah... there it was. I opened my eyes at the sound of branches breaking on the ground. Damon and Stefan were standing in front of me, Damon's eyes glued to my face as Stefan took in the people barely alive around me.

Damon took a step towards me, I took a step back.

"Look what I've done. Uncle Michael was bad enough, he came to kill me. But these kids..."

Stefan now focused on me, "The man in your house... he was your uncle?"

I nodded, "My father's brother, he was just as bad. But I shouldn't have killed him. I had no right, and now? I'm a monster who enjoys it. I just can't deal anymore, it's too much." My eyes met Damon's as I smiled, a smile that held nothing buy sorrow and pain. "I'm so sorry Damon."

Stefan looked confused but Damon figured out what I meant, "Jessica don't..." He shouted coming towards me.

I flipped the switch. The pain, the grief, the sadness... it all just disappeared. Damon and Stefan looked on in horror as a cold smile formed on my fac.

"Well boys, if you'll excuse me, I have places to be." Blowing a kiss in their direction I turned and sped off through the trees. Damon started after me but Stefan stopped him.

"Damon, help me. These kids..."

Damon paused, his eyes darting from the direction I had gone to the kids dying on the ground. He knew what Stefan meant. Stefan would be able to give his blood to heal them, but his animal blood diet meant he wouldn't be strong enough to compel all three of them.

Damon cursed under his breath. Normally he wouldn't care about a bunch of stoners, but when Jessica turned her emotions back on, and he vowed he would get her to, she would hate herself if these kids died.

As Stefan healed each one Damon compelled them to forget ever seeing Jessica or either of them. It only took two minutes but it was enough time for Jessica to get away.

I walked into my house. I couldn't believe how free I felt, I couldn't remember the last time I felt this good. Why had they tried to stop me from doing this sooner? As I walked through to the sitting room I noticed immediately that Michael's body was gone and the place was back in order. Well that was awfully nice of them.

I turned at the sound of footsteps. Caroline, Elena and Jeremy were coming in the front door. Elena rushed forward, throwing her arms around me. I just stood there, cold... emotionless.

"Oh Jessi, we were so worried. Are you ok? We got here and there was a man..."

Elena's voice trailed off as I pulled myself away from her and walked through to the kitchen. The bottle of whiskey was still sitting on the sideboard where I left it before Michael showed up. I poured myself a drink as the three of them followed me into the kitchen. I took a mouthful before speaking,

"First of all, have you ever heard of knocking? Kind of rude don't you think, just walking into someone's house uninvited?"

They all looked taken aback at the tone of my voice, I continued talking,

"And the man, he was my uncle, my father's brother. He came here to finish what daddy dearest had started, or revenge because his brother was killed. I don't know... or care really. I killed him, sucked him dry."

They all looked very confused, I knew how cold I sounded but Ijust didn't give a damn, and it felt good. Jeremy stepped closer to me,

"Jess, what's wrong?"

I smiled, "Nothing Jer, absolutely nothing." I could see the vein pulsing on his throat. Caroline's phone started ringing and snapped me out of the trance. She spoke quickly,

"Yeah, we're at her house now... WHAT! Oh my god!" Dropping the phone Caroline looked at me with horror on her face, still looking at me she spoke to Jeremy.

"Jeremy, get away from her."

Elena and Jeremy turned to the blonde vampire, "What are you talking about?" Elena asked.

It was all the distraction I needed, I was on Jeremy in a second. He screamed as I bit into his neck, Elena was screaming at me to stop when I was pulled back and thrown across the kitchen. Caroline stood in front of Jeremy, her fangs out, watching me. I stood up and dusted myself down. I then smiled at Caroline,

"Didn't know you had it in you Care." Laughing I ran from the house. As I opened the front door and left I ran straight into something sharp . I looked down at the large syringe sticking out of my chest, my eyes followed up the arm holding the syringe and into Damon's face, so much pain on that face. I growled and went to attack but suddenly my entire body was on fire, I fell to my knees. I wasn't actually on fire but the pain was unbearable. I felt like I was suffocating and I couldn't move, for what was seconds felt like time was frozen in agony. I looked up into the stricken face of Damon Salvatore. Stefan was standing right behind him, when he saw I was going nowhere he ran in to check on Elena.

My vision started to blur, I started to fall back but Damon caught me. He cradled me to his chest.

"I'm so sorry Jessica, I'm so very sorry." He whispered into my ear before the darkness took over.

When I awoke I was in a darkened room where the only light was a very dim light bulb swinging from a stone ceiling. Looking around I realised all the walls were stone with the only break being a thick wooden door in one of the walls. The door itself had a small open hatch but that was covered in bars. I was lying on what looked like an army issue style cot. It was the only thing in the room. I didn't know how I knew it, but I was aware that I was underground, like a basement of some kind.

I tried standing up but pain, unlike anything I had ever felt in my life ripped through my entire body. An involuntary scream tore its way out of my throat and I fell to the ground. I could feel the anger, the hate coursing through me. I was going to kill them all for this. Every last person in this god forsaken town was going to die.

And I know who I was going to start with,

"DAMON! Where the hell are you?" I screamed. It took more than I had and the pain ripped through me again, I couldn't hold myself up. I heard rather than saw the door open, I tried to make it out the door but I barely made it two steps when I fell again. The pain continued to tear my body apart to the extent that I could barely breathe.

I looked up into the confused faces of Damon and Caroline. I struggled to form a complete sentence.

"What...what did... you do to... me?"

Damon and Caroline looked down at Jessica writhing in pain. Caroline spoke in a low voice, "What the hell is wrong with her? Vervain shouldn't do that... should it?"

Damon couldn't answer. He was looking at the woman he loved in so much pain. Pain he had caused her. From the moment he had stepped into her life it seemed she was in pain. But this, this was not normal. He hadn't even used that much in the vervain injection he used on her.

"Her allergies?" Damon and Caroline both looked up at Elena's voice.

"Don't be silly, when you become a vampire you don't have _allergies_ anymore." Caroline said, although there was doubt in her voice as she looked to Damon for confirmation.

Damon didn't answer, he couldn't. He had never in all his years heard of a vampire carrying a human imperfection with them when they turned. But then looking down at her now, he didn't know what to think.

I wasn't aware that Damon had lifted me to the bed, I wasn't even fully aware of what was goin on or who was in the room. But I was aware of one thing... I could hear a heartbeat. I could hear blood pulsing through a warm body and suddenly I knew it was Elena.

Where all the strength had poured out of me it came rushing back. With a roar of hatred I was up and had Elena against the wall by her throat. She was gasping for air as she scratched feebly at my hand. I was about to snap her pretty little neck when Damon pulled me of her. As Caroline checked on her Damon held me while I struggled against his grasp trying to get to her.

"This is all your fault," I screamed at her, "You knew what they were, what they doing to me and you let them. What did I ever do to you?"

I was almost out of Damon's grasp when one last burst of excruciating pain exploded in my chest, my body couldn't take anymore and I passed out again. Damon, Caroline and Elena looked at me with pity in their eyes as I lay limp in Damon's arms.

"She's right," Elena began while massaging her bruised throat, "From the beginning I knew you were feeding on her, compelling her memories. If I could have explained to her, somehow, then maybe Stefan would have been able to be invited in or maybe..."

Caroline cut her off, "This is _not_ your fault. Do you hear me Elena Gilbert? You cannot start blaming yourself, right Damon?"

Both girls looked over at Damon, but he wasn't even listening to them. He sat on the bed next to Jessica. Elena took a step closer but stopped when she felt Caroline's hand on her arm.

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

With one final look at Damon and Jessica Elena nodded and followed Caroline out and up to the Salvatore sitting room where the others were all waiting.

Damon looked down at Jessica, the pain on her face, even while unconscious was killing him. He stroked the side of her face and noticed that the painful expression she wore seemed to soften ever so slightly. Like the night her mother died and he snuck into her room. He couldn't explain all the feelings that were running rampant through him. He just knew that he couldn't lose her now.

For the next few hours they remained like that with Damon sitting by her side. He was holding her hand when he felt her fingers twitch, he looked to her face and noticed the pain was gone and she was starting to wake up.


End file.
